KNOCK KNOCK

January 9, 2018 at 9:23 pm (Uncategorized)

KNOCK-KNOCK

EXT. Shadowy Gotham Rooftop. Night.
Wind blows hazy fog around the cloudy night. The faint sound of fabric flapping in the breeze punctuates the stillness.

A faint metallic tapping begins tink-tinking.

BATMAN’S VOICE

What’s the first thing I taught you?

Robin (Tim Drake) hops down from a chimney, pole in hand.

ROBIN

Technically, I think the first thing you taught me was that the world isn’t fair. After that, probably the art of stealth.

Batman emerges from the shadow behind Robin.

BATMAN

And part of stealth is silence.

ROBIN

Silence is boring.

BATMAN

Silence is everything.

ROBIN

I thought justice was everything.

BATMAN

The first Robin didn’t see the need to make every metaphor literal.

ROBIN

Hey, fresh Robin, fresh perspective on life.

The two share an awkward silence. Robin turns away and looks out over the edge of the rooftop toward the city.

ROBIN

Sorry, I’m still getting used to this whole brooding thing.

BATMAN

That’s where the silence helps.

Robin checks his watch.

ROBIN

It’s almost 3 am.

BATMAN

I know.

ROBIN

I figured–I’m making conversation.

More silence. Robin lazily flips his pole around.

ROBIN

You think our guy’ll show up?

BATMAN

Yes.

ROBIN

He’s stayed on the east side for the past week. Why would he come west tonight?

BATMAN

Because we’re here.

ROBIN

You know the guy’s story at least?

BATMAN

Some new thug with a gimmick, same as all the other thugs with a gimmick.

ROBIN

What was the guy’s name?

BATMAN

I stopped keeping track. They’re all basically the same.

Robin stretches a bit.

ROBIN

I guess they can’t all be The Joker or Two-Face or some other guy with an original backstory.

Robin looks over at Batman.

ROBIN

Have you even moved in the last five minutes?

BATMAN

The fact that you aren’t sure means you’re not paying attention.

ROBIN

Or that you’re just that good.

Batman betrays a slight smirk.

ROBIN

Aha! I saw that at least. OK, how about we try a joke.

Batman’s smirk vanishes, as does he.

BATMAN’S VOICE

I don’t do jokes.

ROBIN

Aw c’mon, everyone does jokes. At least a knock-knock joke. You’ve GOT to know one of those.

BATMAN’S VOICE

No.

ROBIN

Knock-knock.

No response.

ROBIN

Just go with this. Knock-knock.

Still no response.

ROBIN

Can you please just say, ‘who’s there?’

BATMAN’S VOICE

No.

ROBIN

Why?

Batman appears over Robin’s shoulder.

BATMAN

Because I am the one who knocks.

Pause.

ROBIN

Was that a Breaking Bad reference? Did you just make a joke and reference pop culture at the same time?

A loud shotgun blast rips through the moment, coming from a rooftop one building over.

ROBIN

There’s our guy.

Robin vaults over the ledge in pursuit while a bat-shaped blur whips past him. A thug dressed in a glowing yellow suit keeps firing a shotgun down at a roof hatch.

THUG

Come on! How hard is it to bust open a frickin’ lock with a shotgun?

The thug suddenly finds himself hurled to the floor and disarmed in one motion.

THUG

Oh crap! It’s you!

Batman allows his face to come into focus, looking down on the thug, boot planted firmly on the thug’s face.

Robin kneels down next to the guy, holding the shotgun.

ROBIN

So, glowing suit, but you use a shotgun? I don’t get what you’re supposed to be.

THUG

The gun’s just a tool, not everything’s gotta be part of the act.

ROBIN

So get to the reveal. Who’re you? Lightning Bug? Flashlight Man?

THUG

The name’s The Dynamo, and don’t you forget it!

ROBIN

The Dynamo? Why?

THUG

I’m still working on that part.

Batman reaches down and grabs the thug by the collar, lifting him up.

ROBIN

So tell us, why this building, why now?

THUG

Because I’ve been working the other side uh town. Who’s gonna suspect I’d suddenly strike the opposite end of Gotham?

Batman pulls the thug close to his face.

BATMAN

Me.

Robin dismantles the shotgun, letting the shells fall out the back of the gun.

ROBIN

This isn’t even a good model.

THUG

It’s a family heirloom, all right?

ROBIN

See, Heirloom would have been a better villain name then.

THUG

I told you, it’s just a tool.

ROBIN

Then how about The Toolmeister?

THUG

Because I’m named The Dynamo!

ROBIN

Why?

THUG

Because I–!

Pause.

THUG

Well I boosted this suit a month ago and I figured it’d do something cool.

ROBIN

Does it?

THUG

It glows. That cool enough?

ROBIN

Glowworm, gotcha.

THUG

Hey, is The Bat gonna just hold onto me, or is he gonna say something?

ROBIN

Up to him; I’m not the one in charge.

BATMAN

Tell me–

ROBIN

See? He speaks.

BATMAN

Where’s Riddler hiding?

THUG

Riddler? Hah, I don’t know what you’re talking about!

Robin walks over to the guy and pats his cheek.

ROBIN

See, the thing is, I think you do. And if I think that you do, it means my partner here knows that you do. Why else would he bother with some light-up crook?

THUG

OK, maybe Riddler hooked me up with this suit, and maybe he told me to start nabbin’ art pieces of old dudes on horses, but he never said why.

BATMAN

I already know why. I want to know where.

THUG

You know why? Dude, you gotta tell me, I’m dying to know!

ROBIN

You are easily the worst villain I’ve ever seen.

BATMAN

Tell me where Riddler is hiding.

THUG

I can’t do that, he’d totally take this suit back.

Batman starts walking while dragging the thug.

THUG

Hey, whoa! Not so rough!

Batman reaches the edge of the rooftop and slings the thug over it, still holding him tightly.

THUG

What are you doing?! Let me go!

ROBIN

Let you go? Sounds like poor word choice.

THUG

I don’t mean it like that! You wanna know where Riddler is?! Some warehouse on 72nd!

ROBIN

I don’t know, 72nd is awfully vague.

THUG

OK! OK! It’s the old Mathison Shipping Company warehouse! 72nd and Wilson! South part of town! SOUTH!

BATMAN

Knock-knock.

THUG

What? Huh–who’s there?

BATMAN

The Dynamo.

THUG

The Dynamo who?

BATMAN

Exactly.

The thug lets out a scream as Batman drops him from the building.

As the thug is about to hit the ground, his glowing yellow suit suddenly inflates, safely breaking his fall. The thug waddles around on his back like a tortoise that’s been flipped over.

THUG

HAH! HAH! So THAT’S what this thing does!

Camera looks up from the thug’s vantage point to see Batman’s fist cocked and ready.

BATMAN

Knock-knock.

Fade to black.

Sound of a knockout punch.

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