The Saga of the Wandering Samurai

June 2, 2010 at 6:19 pm (Random Writings) ()

The Saga of the Wandering Samurai

By Chris Pranger

Episode the First

Setting: A man dressed as a samurai is standing in front of his mother and father as he is waiting to board an airplane.

Father: Son, you do not have to do this.

Mother: Yes, please, stay.

Samurai: No, I have a place I must be, and it is not here.

Mother: You shall always have a place here though.

Samurai: Yes, but my soul would be restless.  As the bird learns to fly, he must search for the wind’s current and be set free from his bonds.  You taught me that, father.

Father: Yes, I did, didn’t I…?

Samurai: I will not disgrace you.  (Bows). I must go.  The wind currents are strong.  (He runs to airplane, looks back at his parents who are both looking quite sad, then enters before it flies away).

*          *            *            *            *

Setting: University of Oregon campus.  The Samurai walks into the campus carrying his belongings, which are not much.  He looks up at the building he will be staying at, a dorm, and keeps walking.

*          *            *            *            *

Setting: A dorm room with one side of the room already decorated and one side bare.  The Samurai opens the door and walks in, looks around, and sets his belongings down on the desk next to the window.

Ethan: (A goofy-looking fellow steps into the room wearing a trench coat and a baseball cap.  He speaks with a somewhat British accent, though not heavy). ‘Ello then.  You must be my new roommate!

Samurai: (Very solemn about everything, he is still making up his mind about this Ethan fellow). Yes.

Ethan: Hey, cool sword!

Samurai: (Still very solemn). Yes.

Ethan: Well the name’s Ethan.  (Holds his hand out for a handshake.  The Samurai looks at it and does nothing). Right…um…do you have any hobbies?

Samurai: Yes.

Ethan: Are you gonna tell me what they are?

Samurai: No.

Ethan: Should I have tried bowing instead of shaking your hand?

Samurai: No.

Ethan: Can I still try?

Samurai: Yes.

Ethan: (Bows deeply). Did it work?

Samurai: No.

Ethan: Oh, well then, why don’t I show you around campus a bit?

Samurai: Hm.  (Nods).

*          *            *            *            *

Setting: Food area of the campus.

Ethan: So this’ll be where you get most of your meals.  We’ve got just about every type of food you’d ever need here.  We’re talking sandwiches, burritos, smoothies…and sandwiches.

Samurai: You already said sandwiches.

Ethan: Very important the sandwich.

Samurai: Where would I go to find decent sushi?

Ethan: Japan maybe?  (The Samurai gives him a very dirty look). Hah, a joke, only a joke!  (Looks around). Perhaps…maybe you could assemble sushi from other things?

Samurai: Disgraceful.  Sushi must be hand-prepared only by the finest and most capable hands.

Ethan: And your hands aren’t worthy?

Samurai: (Shoots Ethan a deadly glare). I excel at many activities, though sushi preparation is not one of them, regrettably.

Ethan: Can’t win ‘em all I guess.  Huh?  Am I right?  (Starts laughing and nudges the Samurai). Haha…ha…(Stops after getting another death-glare). Okay, let’s move on.

*          *            *            *            *

Setting: Basement.  The two walk into the laundry area.

Ethan: And here we have the laundry space where you’ll wash all those delicates of yours.  Those are machine washable, right?  (Points at the Samurai’s garb).

Samurai: I do not trust machines.

Ethan: (Really not sure if he’s gonna get stabbed in the middle of the night or not). Neither do I…?

Samurai: Good, then we have some common ground.

Ethan: (Excited at a positive statement). Yeah!  Hate machines!  Fighting robots are tricky.  Ever fought a robot?

Samurai: (Stern). Are you mocking me?

Ethan: No!  No no, never!  Why would I mock you?!

Samurai: Robots are no laughing matter.  There is always the constant threat that they’ll appear from nowhere and strike.

Ethan: I know, I know!  I didn’t mean to disrespect!  I’ll be more careful when talking about robots!

Samurai: (Still stone faced). I was kidding.

Ethan: Oh…  Let’s keep going…

*          *            *            *            *

Setting: Outside the fitness center.

Ethan: And here we have the gym, where you’ll be able to work out to your heart’s content.  (The Samurai finally smiles). Aha!  So he does have a human heart in there!  (The Samurai gives him a sharp look). And it’s gone again…

Sebastian: (A man with a rapier at his side slams the Samurai in the shoulder as he walks by.  Speaks with a slight French accent). What?  A samurai?  On this campus?

Samurai: (Intensely hateful look). I believe you bumped into me, sir.

Sebastian: Hrmph, you’d best watch where you’re walking, samurai. (Gives him a massively insulting, dirty look as he walks away, laughing).

Ethan: Hey, don’t worry about that guy.  He thinks he’s the big man on campus.  Fencer-type.  His name’s Sebastian.

Samurai: Sebastian…

Ethan: Hey, I still don’t know your name.

Samurai: I am…the Samurai.

End of Episode 1

Episode the Second

Setting: Sidewalk on campus.  It is raining and the Samurai is walking alone.  He reaches to his side, looking as if he’s about to draw his sword, but he pulls out a parasol instead as he calmly walks along.

*          *            *            *            *

Setting: Typical discussion section classroom.  As the GTF is talking we see Ethan sitting at a desk doodling wildly, Sebastian sitting rigid with a scheming look in his eyes, (rapier still as his side), and the Samurai calmly listening to the GTF, among other students, one of which is a Viking.

GTF: (Holding a book about Confucius). So, after reading these chapters about Confucius, what are our thoughts?  (Looks around the room). Um…Sebastian?

Sebastian: (Arrogant and rude). Clearly, it was obvious that his teachings would fall apart upon being applied to the real world since his teachings were considered utter madness and only a fool would follow such dribblings.  (Fires a glance at the Samurai to see how he reacts, which is of course with contained outrage).

GTF: Well, I wouldn’t exactly reject his teachings so quickly myself, but let’s see what some other people think.  (Looks around the room again). Ethan, care to join us?

Ethan: (Looks up from his doodling as it becomes apparent that he didn’t actually read all of the reading). Huh?  Oh, right, Confucius.  (Stands up). So, I thought…that…Confucius, or “CooFu” as I lovingly refer to him, was a brilliant philosopher that had many, many ideas that are so complex and numerous that only the most enlightened of people could even hope to fathom the basic principles of said teachings.

Sebastian: So I suppose that means you’re disqualified…

Ethan: (Gives Sebastian a dirty look). And furthermore, I myself do not believe that I could do justice to such a great man, a man who took a dream and made it a reality in his world and the next.  A man greater than words can describe.  I rest my case.

GTF: Ethan, you didn’t read the book, didn’t you?

Ethan: No I did not. (Sits down).

GTF: Right…I figured about as much.  (Sighs). Does anyone have anything good to say about the reading?  (Points to the Samurai). You.  Um…(Looks at her syllabus). Samurai.  Do you have anything to add to this thrilling discussion?

Samurai: If I may, I believe my wisdom would best be related through haiku.

GTF: Sure, knock yourself out.

Samurai: Domo.  (Stands up and bows to the GTF.  He pulls out a piece of paper and clears his throat). Silence drapes the land, deeply honoring the sky, purity gives thanks.  (Sits down again).

GTF: (Confused as she nods her head, trying to understand). Okay…yeah, sure, I can see that.

Ethan: (Mouth wide open, he seems about to cry). That was so deep and heartfelt!  Why don’t you ever show this side when I philosophize?!

Sebastian: (Disgusted). What in the hell did all of that mean?  That was utter nonsense!

Samurai: (About to snap). It is from deep within my soul.

Sebastian: Leave it to a samurai to take such ridiculous trash and make it filthier.

Samurai: (Leaps up with his katana drawn, tip at Sebastian’s throat). You lie!  (Spoken in Japanese).

Sebastian: (Sneers and laughs). Hah, so quick to anger, yet so sloppy in execution.  (Quickly draws his rapier, knocks the Samurai’s katana out of the way, and stands up with the tip of his rapier at the Samurai’s throat, all in one swift motion). Tisk tisk, such a disappointment.

GTF: (Not really acting as if this is out of place). Alright everyone, calm down.  We’re all a bit confused as to what Confucius meant, so let’s all put our various weapons away, sit down, and talk this out so that we learn something today instead of stab each other in the throats.

Samurai: (Puts his katana away and bows to the GTF). Sumimasen.  (Sits down).

Sebastian: (Puts his rapier away). Hmh.  I don’t have to listen to this rubbish all day.  I have better things to do.  (Waves his hand and walks away.  As he turns, we can all see that the Haiku the Samurai wrote is taped to his back somehow.  The Samurai smiles.  Ethan starts laughing along with everyone else).

End of Episode 2

Episode the Third

Setting: The Samurai’s dorm room.  He is sitting very calmly on the floor with his katana leaning against the wall and his legs crossed.  He seems to be meditating.  There is an entire sequence involving the Samurai going through the tea ritual, about to drink his tea.  Just as he is about to do so, Ethan walks into the room.

Ethan: (Flings the door open, bumping into the Samurai and causing him to spill his tea). Hey Samurai!  Finished with classes for the day?  (Looks down and sees what a terrible mistake he’s made). Oh no.

Samurai: (Slowly looks up at Ethan). You have brought disgrace upon us both.

Ethan: No.  No no.  No I did not mean!

Samurai: (Slowly gets up and grabs his katana). We must settle this for the sake of honor.

Ethan: (Becoming frantic). Or, ooooor, we could just forget this ever happened and go on with our lives living.  How about that?  (The Samurai says nothing but maintains his cold stare). Okay, we’ll try that.  (Ethan exits the room for a second and then reenters with a big grin on his face). Hi!  How are you?  (The Samurai does not move in the least). You’re going to kill me, aren’t you?

Samurai: Come.  (Grabs Ethan by the shoulder).

Ethan: But, but…  (Whimpers).

*          *            *            *            *

Setting: Courtyard of the dorms.  The Samurai is standing on one side with his Katana drawn and ready.  Ethan is on the other side whimpering and in tears while holding an umbrella.

Ethan: So no undos?

Samurai: No.

Ethan: No backsies?

Samurai: No.

Ethan: But I don’t want to die!

Samurai: Death is nothing more than a new stage of life.

Ethan: Don’t fortune cookie me right now!  I need forgiveness, not fortune cookie advice!

Samurai: Then let us commence.

Ethan: Wait!  (Thinks for a second). Tranquility comes from…the sharing of forgiveness!  (Eyes shift around). Or something like that!

Samurai: Forgiveness cannot be given lightly, for only when saved for the truly needy does it gain meaning.

Ethan: (Still frantic for something good to say). But…the branch that does not bend is nothing more than a stick!

Samurai: And yet the branch that breaks can never be mended.

Ethan: Don’t you know about the Prodigal Son?!  The Good Samaritan?!  Anything that Jesus ever said?!  He was aaaalllll about forgiveness!  Turn the other cheek and so forth!

Samurai: (Thinks to himself, searching for a good response). Yes but I’m Buddhist.

Ethan: Ah come on!

Samurai: Prepare yourself.  (Bows.  Ethan does the same, although very worriedly.  The two just stare at each other silently.  Ethan whimpers again.  The Samurai shushes him.  After enough time, the Samurai runs at Ethan yelling.  In a flash, the Samurai rushes up and quickly slaps Ethan gently on the cheek.  Ethan is dumbfounded).

Ethan: Huh?

Samurai: (Smiles and sheaths his sword). Your debt has been paid.  (Walks away.  Ethan is left baffled and speechless).

Sebastian: (Leaning against a tree nearby). Hmh, pansy.

Ethan: Yeah, well…!  You’re…!  Meh.  (Waves him off).

End of Episode 3

Episode the Fourth

Setting: On the lawn in the middle of campus.  The Samurai and Ethan are walking together around the lawn.  There are a few booths set up for various fraternities and sororities that are rushing.

Ethan: (We pick up this conversation mid-sentence as it is apparent that Ethan has been the only one talking). So that’s why it would make complete sense for you and I to go to a costume party dressed as Abbot and Costello.

Samurai: (Nods). Hmh.

Ethan: No no, seriously, put some thought into that.  It’s either that or we go as the Hardy Boys.  You do know who the Hardy Boys are, correct?

Samurai: No.

Ethan: Haven’t a clue, eh?  Hahaha, “clue”?  (Begins laughing at his own joke). You get it?  (Stops laughing.  The Samurai is dead serious). You’re right, why would you get that joke if you didn’t know who the Hardy Boys were?  My bad.  (They keep walking).

Frat Sponsor: Hey you two fine gentlemen there.

Ethan: (Confusedly points to himself). Us two?

Frat Sponsor: Yes you two.  Are you looking for direction in your lives?

Samurai: We are always looking for the correct path to take.

Frat Sponsor: Fantastic!  And do you find yourself constantly trying to better your community?

Ethan: Well, I do make sure to never take notes in class, thus saving precious paper from being wasted.

Frat Sponsor: Gentlemen, allow me to “cut to the chase” as they say in Hollywood.  Our fraternity is looking for individuals just like yourselves to add to our already growing community.

Ethan: What frat are you a part of.

Frat Sponsor: Ahem, that’s “fraternity”, and I am part of Zeta Theta Phi.

Ethan: I’ve never heard of it.

Frat Sponsor: We’re new.  In fact, we’re so new, we just started last week.  So can I persuade you two to sign up?  (Holds up a clipboard with very few names signed).

Samurai: How is your family growing if you have only three signatures on this board?

Ethan: (Thinks to himself). M’yes…he’s right.  This sounds like a scam to me.

Frat Sponsor: (Shifty eyes). What?  What’re you talkin’ about?  Ain’t no scam here, nope, none.

Samurai: (Quickly pulls his katana out). Hiya!  (Slices the clipboard in half).

Frat Sponsor: RAHR!  (Spins around and reveals himself to be a ninja in disguise.  He instantly throws down a smoke bomb and disappears).

Ethan: So he was a ninja!

Samurai: Hmh, I hate ninjas.  (Puts his katana away and the two keep walking). So these “Hardy Boys”, who are they?

Ethan: Oh, well they’re two teenagers, not unlike you and I, and they-(Suddenly Sebastian yells at them from another booth).

Sebastian: (He and two others dressed basically like him, with rapiers at their sides as well, are standing at a booth). No surprise that I find you two out here looking for a place that’ll accept you as members.

Samurai: We are merely enjoying a walk on a calm afternoon; we mean no harm.

Ethan: Yeah, and we’re not interested in frats anyways.  We were just gonna live together off campus next year.  (The Samurai looks over at Ethan, very confused). We’ll talk more later…

Sebastian: Hah, as if any respectable fraternity would want you two as members in the first place.

Ethan: Hey, any fraternity would want us!  Even some sororities have been asking for us to pledge!  You’re just bitter because you’re stuck in a loser frat!

Sebastian: How dare you!  (The other two draw their rapiers, but Sebastian stops them). No, these two aren’t worth our time.

Ethan: That’s right we aren’t!  Wait…(He’s confused himself again).

Sorority Sponsor: (Walks up to the Samurai and Ethan holding fliers). Hi there!  My name’s Sheryl!

Samurai: (Swoons). Sheryl…

Sheryl: Some of the Greek houses are getting together to hold a get-together and I think it’d be great if you two could come.

Ethan: (Takes a flier). A party, eh?  (Turns to Sebastian to taunt him). Yeah we’ll come!  And we’ll become the lives of the party, just you wait and see!

Sebastian: (Not impressed). Hah.

Sheryl: Great!  I’ll see you both there!  (Runs off).

Ethan: (The samurai is smiling and still swooning). Yeah, we’ll show them, eh?  (Looks at the Samurai, then off at Sheryl, then at the Samurai). Huh?  What’s all this then?

(“To Be Continued…” shows up as the episode ends).

End of Episode 4

Episode the Fifth

Setting: A typical fraternity-style kegger party. Ethan and the Samurai walk up to the front door and prepare themselves to enter.

Ethan: (He’s still dressed as usual in his cap and trench coat.  He looks down at the flier to check his directions). Well, this looks like it’s the place.  You ready to show them how great we are?

Samurai: (Still solemn, as usual). I am.

Ethan: Good, that’s the kind of can-do attitude that we’ve got to have going into this thing!  Away we go!  (They walk up to the door.  Music and noise can already be heard coming from the party.  They ring the doorbell).

Sheryl: (Answers the door). Hey, you two ended up coming after all!  I’m so glad!  (Looks the samurai up and down and smiles). Hey, cool sword!  Did you get it at Excalibur’s?

Samurai: (Also smiles). This sword was forged by the Masimune family many generations ago.

Sheryl: Cool?  (Turns to Ethan for an explanation).

Ethan: Just go along with it; he’s kinda into the whole culture and everything.

Sheryl: Hey, no complaints here, samurai are hot.

Samurai: (He swoons and turns to Ethan). Haha, samurai are hot.

Sebastian: (Sebastian walks into the doorframe from inside the party and hugs Sheryl). Hello dear.  Come back to the party.  (Sees Ethan and the Samurai). Oh, I didn’t see you two there.  (The Samurai has instantly changed his attitude to pissed off). I wasn’t aware that they’d let just anyone into this party.  (Snubs his nose at the two and walks away).

Sheryl: Don’t mind him; he thinks I’m into him or something.  (Whispers to the two). I’m totally not by the way.  (Back to normal voice). Come on inside already!  (They all walk inside). Help yourselves to any food or drinks you want.  If you need me I’ll be off talking with my sorority sisters in the main room.  (Walks off).

Ethan: So, go follow her.

Samurai: What?

Ethan: She’s totally into you and you obviously dig her.

Samurai: (Becomes flustered and annoyed). Hmh, such outrageousness.

Frat Boy: (Walks up to the two holding a few brews). Hey boys, you looking for something good to drink?

Samurai: Have you any sake?

Frat Boy: Is that brewed in Wisconsin?  (Samurai glares at him). Whatever.  (Turns to Ethan). What about you bro?

Ethan: Nah, I don’t drink.

Frat Boy: Psh, yeah right.  What are you, lame?

Ethan: No, I’m sober.

Frat Boy: Whatever.  (Walks off).

Ethan: I’m starting to get a bad vibe about this place…

Samurai: (Looking around, cautious). Hmm…you too can sense the shift in nature?

Ethan: For the sake of agreement, yes, I can sense all sorts of random hoo-ha coming from nature.  To keep it simple, I’ll define said hoo-ha as “juju.”  I sense bad juju.

Samurai: Ah, I may know where the source is…  (Points off towards Sebastian and a grouping of his frat brothers doing keg-stands in the middle of the room).

Ethan: Frat boys…

Samurai: They’re like unsuccessful ninjas.

Ethan: (Surprised). Was that a joke?

Sebastian: (Getting trashed). Wooo!  That’s how we do it boys!  (Looks over and sees Ethan and the Samurai). Oh my, why don’t you two come try this?  Oh yes, that’s right, you don’t drink!  Hahaha!  (The other frat boys also start laughing).

Ethan: At least we’re not a bunch of drunken Chads!

Sebastian: What?!  (Pissed). Big words coming from the poorest excuse of a man on campus!  Tell me, how many women have you actually spoken to this year, or ever for that matter?  (More laughter).

Ethan: Why you-!  (Readies to attack).

Samurai: (Holds his hand up to stop Ethan from advancing further). No.  Save your ki.  You shall need it for the proper moment.

Ethan: You’re right.  Come on.  We’re about to become the lives of the party in the bestest way possible.  (Grabs the Samurai’s arm and drags him to the main room where everyone’s dancing.  A song has just ended.  He announces to the room). And now, for your entertainment, we are about to break it down!  (He waits a few seconds for the music to cue up).

Sheryl: You guys dance?  That’s so cool!

Ethan: Do we dance?  Hah, just you wait and see.  (What we are about to witness is one awesome dance-off).

Sebastian: (Storms into the middle of the crowd where Ethan and the Samurai have gathered). What’s this?  You expect a samurai to know how to dance?  Hah!

Samurai: Shall we dansu?  (Looks to Ethan, they both nod in unison.  The music begins and the Samurai starts with very traditional Noh- and Kabuki-style dances).

Sebastian: Hah, don’t make me laugh.  (Shoots back with his own dance style, a graceful almost-tango).

Ethan: Oh please.  Show him how it’s done!  (The Samurai busts out some serious moves at this point, and after another round of Sebastian dancing back, Ethan jumps into the mix and he and the Samurai totally shut Sebastian down with some killer moves).

(The whole room is chanting “Sa-mu-rai! Sa-mu-rai!”).

Sebastian: Unbelievable!  (Runs from the room upon realizing that he’s been served).

(The room keeps chanting “Sa-mu-rai! Sa-mu-rai!” as the Samurai and Ethan continue dancing while the episode fades out).

End of Episode Five

Episode the Sixth

Setting: We find our hero the Samurai at a beach of all places, carefully walking on the sand with his katana at his side and a note in his hand.

Samurai: (The Samurai looks down and reads the note.  It says “Meet me at the beach, if you so dare.”). Hmh?  (His posture changes as he straightens up, his eyes shifting to a noise he’s heard behind him.  He puts his hands at the ready to draw his sword and quickly turns his head to see behind him).

Sebastian: (Standing casually, one hand resting on his rapier ready to draw it if need be, the other hand holding a similar note). The Samurai?  What are you doing here?

Samurai: (Unsure of what to make of this). This is not a challenge set up by you?

Sebastian: No, if I were to humiliate you it would be in a much more public location.

Samurai: (Sees the note that Sebastian has). We have been issued the same challenge.  (Loosens his stance and turns completely around to face Sebastian, showing him his note).

Sebastian: Something isn’t right about all of this…

Samurai: It seems we have a mutual foe.

Sebastian: Yes.  Someone lured us here for one reason or another.  My apologies, but I’d rather you just leave and let me take care of the situation unhindered.

Samurai: My honor is at stake as much as your pride.

Sebastian: So what do you intend we do?

Samurai: That I do not know.

Ninja: (His voice is heard out of frame). So, you have both come.

Samurai: (Both Sebastian and The Samurai turn to see the ninja, although they seem unworried and more annoyed). Ninja…

Sebastian: I should have figured about as much.

Ninja: Sonic-boom-no-jutsu!  (The ninja screeches at the two of them, knocking them both back a fair distance). Have you had enough?  (Samurai and Sebastian look at each other and then back at the ninja). Fine then.  Sonic-boom-no-jutsu!

Sebastian and The Samurai both roll-dodge to the side, coming together to give a roundhouse-elbow to the ninja at the same time, clocking the ninja in his face and knocking him back.

Ninja: Gah!  Very tricky, but I have more tricks.  Lunar-eclipse-no-jutsu!  (The area flashes as the moon rises and the sun sets). Aha!  Now darkness has risen!  A ninja’s strength is at its peak during the evening hours!

Sebastian: I hate ninja trickery.  (Draws his rapier). Leave Samurai, you won’t be needed.

Ninja: Hahahaha, Shadow-Clone-no-jutsu!  (Seems to split into many ninjas.  They surround The Samurai and Sebastian).

Samurai: (Draws his katana). I have a feeling I may be needed after all.

Sebastian: Just stay out of my way.  (He goes into his fencer stance as a ninja rushes him, only to be parried and knocked away).

Samurai: And to you the same.  (A ninja begins sneaking up behind him, The Samurai casually stabs behind it without looking, dispatching the ninja easily).

-More ninjas make to attack as the two prepare in new stances.

-Sebastian ducks under a ninja’s punch, coming up and catching it in the chin, then stabs through the ninja, swinging the ninja around to act as a shield while another ninja jumps to attack, only managing to get impaled on Sebastian’s blade as well.

-Sebastian tries to pull his rapier free but finds it stuck as a ninja comes from behind him.

-Sebastian reacts by leaning back while grabbing the ninja’s arm, breaking it by bringing his elbow down onto it, then leaps up and kicks the ninja in the face.

-As another ninja runs up, Sebastian pulls his rapier free, slashing the ninja’s throat in the same motion.

-The Samurai takes a wide stance as he cuts a ninja’s foot from underneath him, getting low to the ground.  He kicks at another ninja’s ankle, breaking it and forcing the ninja to buckle and fall down to a knee.

-The Samurai knees the ninja in the face, swinging his katana wide upon landing back on both feet.  He runs directly at one ninja, slashing upward and throwing it back while another two ninjas move in from behind and from the front.

-He goes back and forth parrying dagger strikes before kicking backwards into a ninja’s stomach.

-As the ninja bends forward The Samurai rolls over it back-to-back, swinging his katana with him, slashing with another upward arc that sends the ninja spinning into the air and onto a number of other ninjas.

Sebastian: How long do you think you’ll be able to keep up, Samurai?  (Turns back around to swagger at The Samurai as a ninja begins coming up behind him).

Samurai: (Turns to face Sebastian’s comment, seeing the ninja sneaking up). Behind!  (Instantly moves in front of Sebastian while pulling out a smaller dagger and stabbing the ninja behind Sebastian’s head).

Sebastian: (He’s stunned and then instantly angry, pushing The Samurai away from him). I don’t believe I asked for your assistance.  (Sees an advancing enemy coming up behind The Samurai.  Sebastian panics, quickly rushing The Samurai and stabbing around him at the ninja).

Samurai: (Stunned to be getting help from Sebastian). You helped me?

Sebastian: Don’t get the wrong idea.  The only way for you to meet your rightful destruction is at the end of my rapier or my biting wit.  I won’t have a filthy ninja do this for me.

-The Samurai nods in agreement and the fight resumes, with The Samurai smashing a ninja on the top of the head with both hands while Sebastian grabs a ninja by the collar and punches it dead in the face.

-Sebastian and the Samurai turn toward each other and rush, with The Samurai leaping over Sebastian, slashing as Sebastian ducks under, stabbing on his way up.  They turn around then swing their swords around and stab behind, once more offing two more ninjas.

-The Samurai crouches, allowing Sebastian to hop onto his shoulders.  The Samurai stands up again, turning to hack at more ninjas.

-Sebastian keeps his balance while taking swipes downward with his rapier and making small kicks, stunning the ninjas long enough for The Samurai to dispatch them properly.

-Sebastian hops onto a ninja’s head, stomping it in the head and sending it to the ground.  Sebastian twirls and stomps on the ninja’s chest.

-The Samurai sweeps a ninja’s feet with a kick, knocking it down.  He then stabs downward into its chest, pinning it to the ground, before then kicking the ninja in the head, breaking its neck.

-The Samurai and Sebastian look to each other again before The Samurai tosses his katana to Sebastian who catches it and kicks his foot up to The Samurai.  The Samurai grabs it and starts swinging Sebastian around in wide circles, moving around as ninjas are destroyed left and right.

-Finally, The Samurai lets go, hurling Sebastian into the air.  At the height of his decent, he spins downward into a power-bomb onto one last ninja.  He stands up as The Samurai pulls his katana from the fallen ninja.

Sebastian: (The last of the ninja defeated, Sebastian and The Samurai nod to each other.  Sebastian turns to face the head ninja). Is that the last of your tricks ninja?

Ninja: I have but one more.  (Snaps his fingers.  Two more ninja come out from behind him, one with Ethan tied up and the other with Sheryl tied up).

Both Sebastian and Samurai: Sheryl!

Ethan: Hey, and Ethan too!

Samurai: What do you want of us?!

Ninja: I want you two to duel to the death.  If the Samurai wins, the girl will die.  If the fencer wins, the boy shall die.

Sebastian: You bastard!

Ninja: Hahahahahaha!  (Throws down a smoke bomb). Spectator-no-jutsu!  (Instantly a stage appears, erupting from the sand, complete with a crowd of ninjas standing around from the sides, watching and cheering.  Spotlights are one the two in the center). Hahaha!  Begin!

To Be Continued…

End of Episode 6

Episode the Final

Setting: Samurai and Sebastian are in center stage with spotlights around them, a crowd of ninjas is standing around watching.  A head ninja stands above all, with two other ninjas standing next to him, one holding Sheryl captive and the other holding Ethan.

Ninja: You two must fight to the death!  If the Samurai wins, the girl dies.  If the fencer wins, the boy dies.  Begin now!

Samurai: (Still has his sword out, unsure of what to do). What do we do?

Sebastian: You just die!  (Leaps at The Samurai, his choice being a much easier one.  He stabs at The Samurai, to which The Samurai sidesteps out of the way).

Samurai: No!  We must not play his game!

Sebastian: I have no qualms with both the reject and you dying if it means Sheryl lives.  I have a rather easy choice in the matter, wouldn’t you agree?  (Swipes at The Samurai, who ducks under the attack.  He swipes low, The Samurai jumps over.  He swipes again and this time The Samurai blocks the attack with his katana.  The two struggle against the other).

Samurai: There must be another way…

Sebastian: But I’m getting what I want; why would I need another way?  (Cheaply kicks The Samurai in the stomach and leaps at him.  The Samurai rolls away, getting a kick to the side of the head as he rises).

Ethan: Don’t worry about me buddy!  I’m okay with whatever you choose to do!  (Turns to Sheryl). No hard feelings when he wins and saves me, right?

Sheryl: This is barbaric!

Ninja: (Laughing manically). Yes!  Hahaha, yes!  Fight!  Fight!

Ethan: Are you totally one-dimensional or something, ‘cause you don’t seem to have much depth dude.

Ninja: (Turns to Ethan). Silence-no-jutsu!  (A handkerchief appears and wraps itself around Ethan’s mouth). Hahaha!

Sheryl: You keep yelling “no-jutsu” after stuff, but I don’t think you know what that means.

Ninja: It means something in ninja!

Sheryl: No, it’s just a corny line from a silly anime.

Ninja: Erm…shut-up-no-jutsu!  (Crosses his arms in a huff and continues watching the match).

-Sebastian runs at The Samurai, who’s obviously not fighting to his potential, and the two go at it.  The Samurai keeps frantically dodging around Sebastian’s swishes, parrying the attacks but never countering.

Sebastian: I’m not going to be merciful forever!  This is your end!

-Sebastian swats The Samurai on the left shoulder, stunning his arm.

-The Samurai responds by slamming Sebastian in the head with the hilt of his katana.  While Sebastian is stumbling, The Samurai kicks the rapier from his hands.

-Recovering quickly, Sebastian grabs The Samurai by the collar of his armor and pulls his face into Sebastian’s elbow.  Sebastian then grabs The Samurai’s katana from him, swinging it and slicing The Samurai’s leg.  He goes down.

-Sebastian swings the katana directly down at The Samurai’s head, who closes his eyes and looks straight down, reacting by catching the blade over his head.

Sebastian: What?!  (Struggling to push the katana down). It’s not humanly possible to do that!  It was proven to be a myth!  It’s all about physics!

Samurai: I was never one to enjoy physics.

-The Samurai shifts the weight of the blade sideways, forcing Sebastian to slash the katana down into the dirt and fall off balance towards The Samurai, who rises to his feet while headbutting Sebastian.

-Sebastian lets go of the katana and stumbles backwards, stepping on his rapier.  Once he realizes what he’s stepped on, he kicks the rapier into the air, catching it and taking a roundhouse swing at The Samurai, missing just barely.

-He does another roundhouse, tossing his rapier into the air right in front of his face.  The Samurai is caught in the chest with a solid kick as Sebastian spins again, catching his rapier and swishing across The Samurai’s chest, leaving a mark.

-As he moves in to make the kill, The Samurai leaps to the side, allowing Sebastian to miss.  The Samurai finishes by coming down on Sebastian’s noggin with his elbow.  Sebastian is knocked senseless.  As he’s falling he quickly rolls to his feet a few yards away, still ready to fight.

Samurai: Stop!  We need a plan!

Sebastian: You need to die(Tosses his rapier away and rushes The Samurai.  He trips The Samurai and leaps on top of him, grabbing the smaller dagger from The Samurai’s side and thrusting it down at The Samurai, only to have The Samurai grab his arm and attempt to stop this from happening).

Sheryl: Enough!  (Slams her head backwards into her captor’s face.  She then hops into the air, pulling her restrained hands under her so that they’re in front, then reaches over her head, grabs the ninja, and hurls it over her).

Ethan: (Grabs the handkerchief with his teeth and removes it). That was tight!  (Sheryl decks the ninja holding Ethan captive, knocking it out cold). Well done.  So how about you and I…

Sheryl: (Turns to the action taking place on the ground floor). Samurai!

Ethan: Whatever; that’s cool.

Samurai: Enough indeed.  (Sees that both Sheryl and Ethan are safe, instantly revitalizing him and putting passion into his eyes.  The Samurai continues to hold Sebastian’s wrist with one hand, bringing the other hand up into Sebastian’s stomach.  He then kicks up and throws Sebastian over his head and onto his back.  The Samurai leaps up and is on top of Sebastian, picking up his katana again and pointing the tip at Sebastian’s throat).

Sebastian: (Calm despite his situation). Right then.  Do with me as you will.

Samurai: (Stares at Sebastian, ready to finish him off, yet pulls back and sheaths his sword, walking away). No good would come from it.

Sebastian: (Stands up and brushes himself off). Always honorable, even till the end.  How predictable.  (Picks up his rapier and rushes The Samurai once more head-on with his rapier straightforward, about to catch him unsuspecting).

Samurai: (Turns around and thrusts his hand out). HAIKU!

Time seems to stop as cherry blossoms appear from nowhere along with another giant image of The Samurai’s upper torso behind the real Samurai, calmly reciting a poem: “My enemy strikes; His blade and soul are feeble; I grow stronger still.”

-Sebastian is stopped instantly, his rapier crumpling like foil against a wall, before throwing him back, disarmed and shamed at last.

Ethan: (Runs into the fray). How did you do that?!

Samurai: Family secret.

Sheryl: (Also running down to the ground level.  She instantly hugs The Samurai). You’re alright!

Samurai: (Blushes and smiles). As are you.

Ninja: (Clapping). Wonderful!  Wonderful!  (Walks down to the ground level). Congratulations my boy!  You have won the Dean’s Scholarship!

Samurai: I have…I have what? (The Ninja pulls off his mask, revealing himself to be the Dean of the college).

Sheryl and Ethan: The Dean of the school?!

Ninja: Congratulations!  (The crowd is cheering).

Sebastian: (Still on the ground, dizzy, and now even more angry). But…I was supposed to win that scholarship!  My entire future was depending on it!  It was fate!

Samurai: (Smiles and points at Sebastian). Looks like you’ve been eating misfortune cookies.  (The Samurai throws his head back and belts out a hearty laugh, along with Ethan, Sheryl, and the Dean/Ninja.  The scene pulls back and begins to fade away).

Sheryl: Haha, oh Samurai.  (Smiles and kisses his cheek).

Samurai: Hahaha, I made a funny!

End of Saga the First


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