To My Love, Whom I Can Never Have

July 17, 2009 at 1:25 am (Random Writings) ()

*Author’s note:  Another Intro Fiction Writing assignment, this one asking us to write a letter to someone, either real or imaginary.  I picked the latter, and had my teacher say she was impressed when she found out who was writing the letter, not expecting it and being forced to reread the letter to get everything fully.  Perhaps you’ll have to do the same, but I don’t think I wrote it THAT well.  Hopefully enough to be enjoyed though, so, enjoy!

 

To My Love, Whom I Can Never Have

 

Dear Mags,

            As I’ve always said, nothing is ever as poignant as the truth.  Although, as I sit here, scrolling this letter to you I find it harder and harder to follow my own advice.  Most of what I say is for everyone else anyway.  It’s great for comforting others, but it hardly comforts myself.  I already know the inner meanings of everything I tell people, I already know why it’s important to know.  Where is my inner awakening?

            I apologize, I’m getting off track.  This letter isn’t about me.  I mean, everything is essentially about me in some way, especially this, but I mean that I’m not writing this letter with myself in mind.  I’m writing it to you, about you, and why I’ve been destroying myself at night.  So I’m going to get right to the point, and the point is, I deeply love you.

            Yes, I love everyone, and yes, it should be equal, but I can’t help the fact that I’m still human and still wish more than anything that I could give it all up and just be with you until the end of days.  I can’t even describe to you how important you are to me.  Every time I think about what’s going to happen in the future, I always remember that you’re here and it eases me ever so slightly.  If only I wasn’t so important.  If only they could find someone else to be so great.  I don’t want all of this power.  I want you.

            You’ve meant more to me than anyone I’ve met.  Of my dozen friends, none of them compare to you in any way.  You’re so perfect and I’m so perfect and it would only make sense that we could be perfectly happy together but we can’t be and it’s what’s destroying me inside.  I’m a kingdom divided amongst myself now.  Half of me feels obligated to do my duty, to uphold my purpose.  The other half of me is screaming, pleading with me to run away with you and never look back, never care about the consequences.

            If you asked me, I’d give it all up for you.  If I knew you weren’t so committed to everything that I am, you’d ask me to just spend my life with you and leave it all behind.  But I know that you’re too committed, you’d never ask that of me.  This makes me love you all the more, because without you to keep me on course then all would be lost.  I would have given up long ago.  You remind me on a daily basis that there is a reason for all of this.  That there is at least one soul worth everything on this sad Earth.

            I wish I could tell you what is in store for me.  I wish I could but then you wouldn’t let me go through with it.  It’d challenge you too much to know of the inevitable and what I’m going to have to go through because of my love for you, my love for everything.  Please, no matter what happens, no matter whether I see you again or not, I want you to know that I loved you.  You need to know this.  I love you and I’m sorry.

 

My deepest love,

Jesus

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1 Comment

  1. frabjousflamingo said,

    Makes me sad. Beautifully written though.

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