Game Studs: Episode 7

July 17, 2009 at 12:15 am (Game Studs) ()

*Author’s note:  The owner of Big City Gaming had officially pushed us too far, so we dropped the store’s use from the segment.  It wouldn’t have been possible to do another episode outside the store anyway, so we were forced to do the only classy thing: Burn the store down.  Not literally, but in the script.  Needless to say, I was angry.

 

Game Studs: Episode 7

“Unemployment”

 

Setting:  Danny and Topher are walking down the street, talking.  I don’t know which street, but trust me, it’ll definitely be a street of some sort.  Unless it’s a sidewalk.

 

Topher:  So you’ve got a date huh?

 

Danny:  Yes, I have finally succeeded in wooing one of these “women” I’ve heard so much about.

 

Topher:  What’s her name?

 

Danny:  Erin.

 

Topher:  Aaron with an E or Aaron with two A’s?

 

Danny:  Um…with an E.  (Shoots Topher a look).  Wait a minute…why?

 

Topher:  No reason.  You can’t be too careful though.  (Pats Danny on the back).  Well good work on the girl.  Just don’t screw it up.

 

Danny:  Haha, unlikely.  She really seems to love my personality and admires that I have a job.  (Realizes something).  In fact she’s said that I’d be a loser if I didn’t have money…but no matter!

 

Topher:  (Ring ring ring).  Hold up.  (Answer).  Hello?  Yeah Ben, what’s up?  What?!  We’ll be right there!

 

Danny:  What’s going on?

 

Topher:  Shut up and let’s go!  (They run off).

 

Setting:  Outside on a busy street.  Ben is standing in shock at something off camera.

 

Topher:  (He runs into the frame up to Ben).  Ben, is it true?  (He looks off at the thing off camera).

 

Ben:  Yep, I really wasn’t kidding.  The game store burnt down.

 

Topher:  Faulty 360?

 

Ben:  Yes.  (Chokes back tears).

 

Topher:  I didn’t know this place meant so much to you.

 

Ben:  (Cracks).  I wanted to be the one who burned it down!  Damn you Microsoft!  Damn you to Hades!

 

Danny:  (Runs into the shot).  So what’s-  (Sees the store off camera).  NO!  My job!  I’m unemployed!  Without a good source of money my love life shall crumble!  (Recovers quickly).  No matter, at least I’ve invested well in high-return stock.  (Ben grabs a newspaper and quickly gives it to Danny.  Danny opens it to the business page quickly and breaks again).  NO!  My stocks!  I’m ruined and alone again!  (Cries).

 

Alexa:  (Walks up, seeing the group all mourning the loss of the store).  Hey everyone, is there a parade today or something.

 

Topher:  Nope, the store burned down.

 

Alexa:  Oh bummer.  (Just fine).  Oh well, I had better things to do with my time than working.  Who wants to go buy jet skis?

 

Ben:  (All better).  I’m down.

 

Topher:  (Still shocked).  This has all got to be a bad dream.  Wait!  I know!  (Turns to Alexa and tries to use his mind powers to get her naked again).

 

Alexa:  No, I’m not getting naked.

 

Topher:  Dammit.  Okay, so we’re not in another one of my dreams then.

 

Danny:  I suppose the only thing left to do is find new jobs my good chaps.

 

Ben:  I ain’t your chap.  And I don’t want a new job, I want my old job back.

 

Topher:  I thought you hated it there.

 

Ben:  I did, but I had a 401K through a computer error that Steve never found out about, and now it’s gone.

 

Topher:  Gone.

 

Danny:  (Breaks and cries again).  Gone!

 

Alexa:  So, we might as well rummage through the ashes and see if anything good turns up.

 

Topher:  I wonder if Steve was in the building when it went down?

 

Ben:  We can only hope.

 

Danny:  (Turns to Alexa).  I can’t take it anymore!  Alexa, I’ve always loved you!

 

Alexa:  (Not looking at him).  Cool cool.

 

Danny:  That’s it?

 

Topher:  Dude, she’s on her iPod.  She can’t hear you in funkytown.  (Camera shifts to Alexa breaking into a funky dance).

 

Alexa:  (Looks up and sees everyone looking at her.  She stops dancing and takes her headphones off).  Huh?  Was someone talking to me?

 

Danny:  Yes, Alexa I- (Both Ben and Topher ear whip him).  Bwa good God!

 

Topher:  (Looks down).  Hey…what’s that?

 

Ben:  (Lazily looks down to where Topher points).  I can’t tell from this distance.

 

Topher:  It’s at your feet dude.

 

Ben:  Who knows how far that could be.

 

Topher:  (Bends down and picks up the item, an NES controller).  What do you make of it?

 

Alexa:  (Danny is about to speak but Alexa starts talking first).  It looks like a controller from the Nintendo Entertainment System made between 1985 and 1991.  (The others look at her confusedly).  Yeah, that’s right, I actually know things about video games.

 

Danny:  (Grows excited).  Which is your favorite game?

 

Alexa:  I don’t know, maybe Halo or something, I don’t care.  (Starts filing her nails).

 

Danny:  (Crushed).  But…but…you were supposed to understand!

 

Topher:  So how’d this NES controller survive the fire if nothing else did?

 

Ben:  (Grabs it and begins pacing, talking in a high-brow voice).  Hmm, perhaps the ancients have placed a spell upon it.

 

Alexa:  A spell?

 

Ben:  Or…a curse!  (Tosses it to Danny).

 

Danny:  This is most peculiar.  (Walks over to Topher).

 

Topher:  Well, gimmie the controller back.  (Danny hands him the controller).  There’s only one way to find out.  (Everyone scrunches together as Topher presses the “Start” button on the controller.  Instantly everything goes black and a siren starts going off).

 

Ben:  Oh God!  I know that siren!  We’re all gonna die!

 

Danny:  I’ve never known the touch of a woman!

 

Topher:  Everyone calm down!  Hurry, run towards the light!  (They all run off towards a doorway with light emanating from it).

 

Alexa:  Are you sure about this?

 

Topher:  There’s only one way to find out.  (They all walk through the door.  “To Be Continued” pops up as they fade out).

 

End of Episode

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