Game Studs: Episode 4

July 16, 2009 at 11:50 pm (Game Studs) ()

*Author’s note:  Sadly, this was my one big reference to a piece of English literature, obviously taking lines from Poe’s “The Raven.”  However, during filming it became apparent that we weren’t going to be able to squeeze the whole script into the time we had alotted for the segment, so we started to rush our lines.  Even worse, we found that the footage was still longer than we were allowed, even after cutting literally everything except story lines.  We bled the episode dry, but slipped it in just a few seconds over time.  Also, the Microsoft Rep was played by the actor who plays Steve’s wife.  It was one of the conditions to get access to the store: work in a part for the owner’s wife.  Done and done, though my heart was broken when everyone asked me, “What kind of name is Lenore?”  Shameful.

 

Game Studs Episode 4

“Payback”

 

Setting:  Big City Gamin’, as usual, with Topher going about busy work behind the counter as Danny walks up to the counter.

 

Danny:  Good afternoon Topher!  How are you on this glorious day?

 

Topher:  (Generally pissed).  This day sucks.  We aren’t even getting any sun today.

 

Danny:  That’s the downside to living in Alaska.  We only get sun every so often during the day.  (Snaps out of his contemplative thought).  But anyway, you seem perturbed.  What are you up to that has gotten you so weak and weary?

 

Topher:  Ben.

 

Danny:  Ben?

 

Topher:  Ben.  He is the bane of my existence and I must bring him down.

 

Danny:  What has he done now?

 

Topher:  You remember last week when he tricked Steve into thinking I wronged an Italian guy?

 

Danny:  (Trying to remember but can’t).  Somewhat…

 

Topher:  Well as my punishment, Steve is making me play test every single Disney Channel related game in the store.

 

Danny:  That’s harsh.

 

Topher:  I have never wanted to harm Raven Symone more than this moment in my life.

 

Ben:  (Walks by, generally acting like a douche).  What’s up peons?  (He shoots his hand up before they can answer).  What?  Who said you can speak to me?  I must take my leave.  (Walks off again).

 

Topher:  There goes my Raven.  (Turns to Danny).  Rapping, rapping, gently rapping at the chamber door of my soul.  Death is in his near future, I swear it.

 

Steve:  (Walks over).  Howdy y’all.  What’s the haps over here?

 

Danny:  (Nervous and covering up what they were talking about).  Well certainly not planning the deaths of anyone, I can tell ya that!

 

Steve:  Well good.  Death is bad for business, and I don’t like that kind of thing.  (Calls the crew around).  Hey, everyone front and center!  (Ben and Alexa come up to the front where the others are.  Steve turns back to Topher and Danny).  But no, more importantly we’ve got the official rep from Microsoft coming in today.

 

Topher:  The Microsoft rep?

 

Danny:  (Turns to Topher to explain it to him).  Hah.  The Microsoft representative is the person that the company has sent out to make deals with our smaller company.  They send them by every once in a while.

 

Steve:  Yeah, and we’ve got a new one this time.

 

Alexa:  (Annoyed).  Fantastic, who did they send?

 

Steve:  I don’t know, but I already know that I’ll hate ‘em.  They’re all the same, with their beady little eyes, and their notepads and their official documentation.

 

Ben:  (Chimes in).  I HATE documentation!

 

Steve:  Yeah, always trying to tell me how to run my store, like I don’t know how to run my own store.  The nerve!  Bunch of brown-nosin’, elitist, sacks of worthless space.

 

Ben:  (Chimes in again).  Worthless!

 

Steve:  That’s all, just tell me when the rep shows up.  (Walks off again, Alexa walks over to the shelves to do some actual work as Ben looks at Topher).

 

Ben:  Hey newb, those Kim Possible games aren’t gonna play themselves!  Mwahahaha!  (Begins walking off again, checks Alexa out as he passes by).

 

Topher:  Damn my Raven.  I hate him soooo much.  (Grabs Danny).  You!  You shall help me destroy him.  Do you understand?

 

Danny:  (Very worried).  Nevermore?

 

Topher:  (Evil grin).  Exactly.  (Looks around crazily).  We must strike the beast at the heart.  The heart dammit!  (Sees Alexa).  AHA!

 

Danny:  Eep…

 

Topher:  (Looks Danny directly in the eyes).  We must act fast and you must do exactly as I say.  Go, find Ben and bring him here.  Go now!  Go monkey go!  (Danny shuffles off to find Ben).

 

Danny:  Um…Ben?!

 

Topher:  (Points over towards Alexa).  Alexa!  Come here!

 

Alexa:  (Walks over somewhat annoyed).  Oh come on, I was actually doing some work and you’re breaking my groove?  What do you want?

 

Topher:  I need you to play along with whatever I’m about to do.

 

Alexa:  (Looks him up and down before throwing her checklist away).  Thank god, I was sick of putting any effort into this job.  So what do you need me to do?

 

Topher:  Just sit here and look pretty for a second.

 

Alexa:  I was already doing that, did you really have to give me instructions?

 

Topher:  (Sees Ben and Danny walking over).  It’s Ben!  (Alexa about looks over at him).  No don’t look at him!

 

Alexa:  Why can’t I…?

 

Topher:  Play along…(Begins laughing as if he’s in the middle of a conversation).  Ahahaha!  I know!  What was up with that waiter during dinner last night?  Oh, it’s soooo funny that we’re dating now.

 

Alexa:  (Quietly to Topher).  What the-(Topher casually slides a $20 to her.  She instantly takes it and begins playing along).  Oh I know!  I mean, after the movie getting cancelled and then our server forgetting our order I thought the night would have sucked but it’s sooooo cool that we’re kinda into each other.  (Topher slips her another $20).  I mean in love!

 

Topher:  (Turns around to see Ben).  Hahaha, oh, Ben!  I didn’t see you over there.  How are you doing?

 

Ben:  (About to tweak out and kill someone).  Where am I right now?

 

Topher:  Haha…(Grabs Danny and whispers close to him very quickly).  Quick, save yourself and the girl.  Go now!  (Danny nods, grabs Alexa and the two rush out of the scene).  So Ben, how are you today?

 

Ben:  How did you do that?

 

Topher:  Well simple, I’m better than you.

 

Ben:  Lies!

 

Topher:  I’ve only been here a month and already I’m a better employee than you.

 

Ben:  (Blows a gasket).  You dare to challenge the mighty Ben?!

 

Topher:  Yep.  What are you gonna do about it?

 

Steve:  (Walks by).  Where the heck is that tool of a rep?  (Keeps walking).

 

Ben:  (Sees an opportunity).  I know!  They should have been here by now, but I guess they’re too busy stepping on the little guys to care.

 

Topher:  (Plays along with the challenge).  Or maybe they think we’re so insignificant that they went to another store instead.

 

Ben:  Yeah, and on weekends they probably visit their dad, by which I mean Satan!

 

Topher:  Right before high-fiving Hitler!

 

Ben:  (Leans in close and whispers to Topher).  You’re not going to win this, I’ve always been better at hating random strangers.

 

Topher:  We’ll see.

 

Microsoft Rep:  (Walks in with utmost grace and poise in slow motion, rocking the scene with her presence.  Steve instantly sees her and does a double take, being dumb-struck and hopelessly in love suddenly.  Literally his mouth snaps open as the Rep shakes her head about, her hair dancing wistfully and the writer of this script becoming increasingly mad at the amount of sappy description he’s giving).  Hello, my name is Lenore.  I’m the representative from Microsoft.  I’m looking for the manager.  Where can I find him?

 

Ben:  (Both Topher and Ben are about to rip into her to prove who’s the better and more loyal employee, although Topher has seen Steve’s reaction to Lenore.  Ben and Topher about advance on her, although Topher shuts up and crosses his arms, allowing Ben to do what he’s about to do).  You can just take your frankfurtered, obtuse, misconceptualized self and mumbo dog-faced outta our banana patch, you devious succubus!

 

Steve:  (Completely losses it as Lenore looks mindlessly offended).  YOU FOOOOOOL!!!!  (Freaks out on Ben).  I hate so much of you right now!  That’s a Top Gun mistake!  In fact, you’re our new Top Gun!  (Turns to Topher).  Top Gun, you’re now Jerry Maguire or something!  I’ll figure it out later!

 

Ben:  (Flabbergasted as he turns to Topher).  But…I’m the mighty Ben!

 

Topher:  Nevermore.

 

End of Episode

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