Game Studs: Episode 3

July 16, 2009 at 11:42 pm (Game Studs) ()

*Author’s note:  This was actually the first concept for the show that Michael Waymire and myself worked on together.  We sat in a Subway eating sandwiches and laughing about how ridiculous it’d be fore Ben to pretend to be an 8-year-old to try and fool Tohper.  However, trouble came the night we were supposed to film as the store was closed, (we filmed after hours), but the manager, (who placed Steve), was gone.  This was the first problem we faced with Big City Gaming, but it wouldn’t be the last.  After some tense hours filming on a Sunday, everything worked out great in the end.


Game Studs: Episode 3

The Circular Logic


Setting:  Once more at Big City Gamin’, Topher and Danny are behind the counter with Topher playing a DS and Danny supposedly writing a letter.


Danny:  (Thinking to himself but basically talking to anyone who’ll listen).  “Dear president of Capcom.  I would like to extend to you a chance for a bright new age of video gaming in the form of a brand new game created by the quintessential enthusiast.”  (Looks up at Topher).  How’s that sound?


Topher:  Tell him that his reading the letter honors our ancestors.  I bet he’ll love it.


Danny:  You really think so?


Topher:  I don’t know, I’ve got problems of my own to deal with.


Danny:  Such as…?


Topher:  Can’t you see that I’m trying to become the next Pokemon Master here?


Danny:  So what’s the problem?


Topher:  What’s the problem?  I’m just starting out and I can’t decide on which starter Pokemon to choose.


Danny:  (Genuinely concerned).  Well what options do you have?


Topher:  I’ve got the choices between a fire monkey, a plant turtle, and a penguin.


Alexa:  (Walks up at about this point from the back room).  Hey all, what’s happening?


Danny:  Alexa!  Can’t you see that we’re in the middle of something serious?


Alexa:  And what exactly is this serious thing that you’re in the middle of?


Topher:  Choosing a starter Pokemon.


Alexa:  (Pauses for a second to try and figure out what the hell was just said).  What the hell’s a Pokemon?


Danny and Topher both:  Oh my God!


Danny:  Pokemon, despite its simplistic natures, is arguably the most successful franchise ever created, partly due to its wildly ingenuous marketing technique.


Topher:  Yeah, you can’t just catch some or as many as possible; you’ve gotta catch them ALL.


Danny:  All!


Topher:  And the next generation of Pokemon have surfaced and I can’t decide which starter to choose between an eventually beastly penguin, a flaming monkey, and a turtle plant.


Alexa:  (Deadpan looks from one to the other).  Yeah, I’m gonna just forget I came over here and head into the backroom again…  (Starts to walk away).


Topher:  You can’t hide from them forever!  They demand that you catch ‘em all!


Alexa:  (Still walking away).  Well tell me how that works out for ya.


Danny:  (Turns back to Topher).  Forget her, we need to make a decision here!


Topher:  Yeah, I’m leaning towards penguin, just because penguins are awesome, but-


Ben:  (Voice from off camera).  Ahem!


Topher:  (Looks around).  The hell?


Ben:  Ahem!  (Camera shows Ben.  He’s on his knees with shoes on his knees and talking in a higher, squeakier voice).  Excuse me, but I’d like to buy a game!


Topher:  Ben, what are you doing?


Ben:  I’m not Ben!  I’m only 8 years old!  And I’d like to buy a game!


Topher:  Okay…what game would you like…young man?


Ben:  I’d like that one!  (Points at a game).  And remember I’m 8!


Topher:  Um…(Picks up the game Ben pointed at).  I can’t sell you this game because it’s rated M.


Ben:  But I want it!


Topher:  I’m sorry, you have to be 18 to buy M rated games.


Ben:  (Switches back to his normal voice as he pulls out a driver’s license).  No problem bro, here’s my ID.


Topher:  (Takes the ID).  Um…okay then.  I guess there’s no problem then.  (Nearly starts the transaction).


Ben:  (Jumps up).  Aha!  It was I, Ben, the whole time!


Topher:  We know.


Ben:  I can’t believe you were about to sell a Mature rated game to a child!


Topher:  But it wasn’t a child, it was you.


Ben:  But you didn’t know that!  You thought I was 8!


Topher:  You gave me a driver’s license that said you were 21!


Ben:  Obviously it was a fake!


Topher:  How do you figure?!


Ben:  Because what would an 8 year old be doing with a diver’s license?


Topher:  (Still holding the ID).  But it’s a real driver’s license!


Steve:  (Yells at Topher from the gaming chairs set up near the back of the store).  Hey, what’s going on over there?


Ben:  Steve, you’ll never believe it, but Topher was trying to sell Mature rated games to an 8 year old!


Steve:  WHAT?!  Do you realize how illegal that is?!


Topher:  I didn’t try any of that!  Ben tricked me!


Steve:  If the parents of the child decide to sue us our company will be fined over a million dollars!  Do you have that kind of money?!


Topher:  No I don’t have that kind of money!


Ben:  It’s true, I mean look how he’s dressed.  (Begins sneaking out at this point).


Steve:  I know you’ve heard this before, but this kinda stuff just doesn’t fly ‘round here!  You’re in the danger zone Top Gun, and you’d better watch yourself.


Topher:  But I didn’t-


Steve:  (Cuts him off and gives him the “zip-it” motion).  AH!  No more outta you unless it’s a sales pitch.  (Points at him).  I’m watching you…(Turns around and goes back to playing whatever).


Danny:  Don’t worry about it so much, Ben gets all the new guys with something or other.  I know you wouldn’t believe it, but he even got me with something like that when I first started.  I’m still afraid of sock puppets because of it…


Topher:  Sock puppets?  Really?


Danny:  (Tweaks out a little).  NYAH!  Shut up!  You don’t know the things I’ve seen!


Topher:  Okay…I guess I don’t.


Ben:  (Of camera again).  Ahem.


Topher:  (Rolls his eyes and looks down again).  What?


Ben:  (Ben is once more on the ground with shoes on his knees.  He is also wearing a mustache.  He begins speaking in a pseudo-Italian accent).  Goodevening!  I am-a in need of-a some assistance!


Topher:  Ben, that’s just you in a mustache.


Ben:  Who is-a Ben?  My name-a Luigi!  How dare you insult-a my heritage!




Ben:  Manager!  Manager!  I need help!  I’m being discriminated against!


Steve:  (Turns around again and yells Little John-style).  WHAAAAAT?!


Chris:  (Points down at Ben).  This isn’t over…  (Fade out).


End of Episode


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