Channel 70 News: Episode 3

June 13, 2009 at 11:06 pm (Channel 70 news) (, )

*Author’s Note:  For the PSA at the end of this episode, (seen on Youtube), the joke may very well be lost on the audience.  At the time, (and for a lot longer than I’d care to remember), I was pursuing my co-star, unsuccessfully.  My means of coping had me making light of the situation, so the joke somewhat works on multiple levels, depending on how deep and depressing you’d prefer to look at it.


Channel 70 News Episode 3


(Intro replaced by a Duck U Stories-like intro saying “Behind Channel 70 News”.  Typical clips of everyone acting happy, probably just going to rip scenes straight from the Office intro, just to give you an idea.  All lines for this episode will be one-on-one interview shots with each actor).


Diana:  I’m Diana Miranda.


Dave:  Pff, I’m Dave Trenton.


Sam:  Well, I suppose I’m Sam, heh, the “Go-To Guy” as they call me.


Johnny:  I’m Johnny Jenson.  (Looks around sporadically).  What?  Are you calling me a liar?!


Diana:  Where was I before here?  Um…


Dave:  I was happily married and living a successful life.  Boy did that fall through.


Diana:  It’s hard to explain…


Johnny:  I was experiencing the wildest game of them all on the plains of the Serengeti being raised by a pack of huntress lions.  (Stock image of Johnny devouring a gazelle carcass amongst a pack of lions).


Diana:  I was in an off-Broadway show…well off-off-Broadway.  It was a show called “Catz”.  (Stock image of Diana dressed as a cat in front of a background of many, many cats with the title “Catz” big in the background).  It didn’t actually have anything to do with the Broadway musical of the same name.  This was a one-woman show where I played a lonely old woman who only had her cats to keep her company…it was a touchingly sad play really.  I can perform a piece from it if you’d like and…(About to get up and perform but obviously told “no thank you”)…oh, alright then.  Well after we got sued by the actual play “C.A.T.S.” I got into the news business and jumped around from station to station until I ended up here.


Sam:  I was just finishing my training at the community college to be one of those guys who draws caricatures of people down at the boardwalks, (shot of Sam on a sidewalk drawing horrible pictures of people), but when I realized that we didn’t have any boardwalks nearby I had to put my dream on hold for a while.


Diana:  I think Dave and I have a very special bond.  (Shot of Diana sitting at the anchor desk as Dave walks by.  She waves and smiles.  He flips her off as he walks by).  He’s really sweet sometimes and I can tell that, although he rarely shows it, he really cares about me.


Dave:  Oh I hate her.  I walked in the door the first day and I knew I’d hate her.  I could tell by the way she was acting that she came from a rich school, daddy probably bought her everything.  Yeah, I wish my daddy could have bought me everything, too.  (Looks back at the camera).  No I’m not spiteful.  And no I don’t have feelings for my co-anchor!


Sam:  Me?  Oh, I enjoy my job pretty well.  It can be stressful at times but I think that my camera man really looks out for me.


(Shot of Sam near the freeway, Frank holding a camera filming him).


Sam:  Well Dave, Diana, I’m down here on Washington Turnpike to investigate the increase in pedestrian deaths lately and…


Frank:  (Pushing him towards the freeway).  Get out there!


Sam:  Eee!  I don’t wanna!


Frank:  Go go go!


Sam:  Ooookay…(Slowly climbing the railing into oncoming traffic).  …AH!


(Back in the studio).


Sam:  Yeah…


Frank:  (Smiling and nodding).


Diana:  (Shot of Diana waking up to her dressing room and finding a piece of paper taped to her door).  I can tell that Dave really likes me.  Just the other day I found this on my dressing room door.  (Cuts back to her in the studio.  She holds up a poem).  He wrote me a poem and taped it to my dressing room.  See?  Isn’t that sweet?


Johnny:  Yeah, I write poetry in my spare time and I like the way Diana reacts to it every time she reads it, so I know I must be good at poetry.  I write under the pen name “Dave Trenton”.  Huh?  No reason, why?  (Looks around).  Who?


Diana:  I stay around mostly for the pay, but Dave’s a sweetheart, so I can’t just leave him behind.


Johnny:  I’ve stayed on this long to avoid detection, why stop now?


Sam:  I honestly don’t know why I haven’t tried to pursue my other dream of becoming the guy who paints the house numbers on the sidewalks.


Dave:  Why do I stay around?  (As he’s giving his last line an entire scene is being played out where we see Dave holding a single rose, pacing in front of Diana’s dressing room, mumbling to himself.  The camera sneaks around a corner to see this.  As soon as Dave notices the camera he curses, throws the rose down, and runs.  Johnny walks into the frame and picks the rose up off the ground.  As he does, Diana opens her door and looks out hopefully.  Johnny looks confused for a second, then smiles big and offers her the rose.  Diana pouts and closes the door again.  Johnny just stands there and takes a bite of the flower, still happy).  Oh what you think I’m gonna say it’s because of her, right?  That’s what she said, isn’t it?  Look, I’m here for one simple reason, and that reason is that I have nothing better to do, and until I find something better to waste my time on, I’ll be here, week after week, month after grueling month, reading the news for the last-place news station.  (Back in the studio).  It could be worse.  I mean, at least I’m not the Go-To Guy.  Heh…(Dave smiles as the camera fades).


End of Episode 3


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