Jesus on Eclipse Star

May 20, 2009 at 9:12 am (My Buddy Jesus) ()

*Author’s note:  Eventually in my writing of Eclipse Star, I felt I needed to make it clear exactly how silly I found a lot of it, especially my constant need for people to read it as it was written.  Thus, I turned to Jesus for his opinion on the matter.  The facts are roughly true as spoken here, in case anyone is curious.  Also, enjoy.


Jesus:  Chris, why’d you call me here?  You know I’m much too busy to listen to you if all you’re going to do is whine and complain.

Chris:  I know, I know, but I’m not here to complain.  I’ve got a real question to ask you.

Jesus:  (Sigh)  Okay Chris, you see, when a man and a woman, or sometimes a man and a prostitute, love each other very, very much and feel that the only way to express their love is through sex, we call this a “booty call” most of the time.

Chris:  No, different question.

Jesus:  Well I know someone asked me that question at one point or another…hmm.  Oh well, what was it you wanted to know?

Chris:  I want you to take a look at my story and tell me what you think.

Jesus:  Which one?

Chris:  Which story do I always talk about?

Jesus:  Well, you did bring up your idea for a sitcom called Knight Life about two knights that live in the Renaissance time period who travel around and totally don’t fit in with the time, and they also have a monk with them that’s always wasted that you’ve handily named “the Drunk Monk”.

Chris:  No, my other story.

Jesus:  You mean the movie screenplay with the tag line “How far would you go for closure?” and you’ve named it Closure and it’s all about seeking closure in relationships?  That one?

Chris:  No, the really long story.

Jesus:  Thus is Life?

Chris:  No.

Jesus:  My Buddy Jesus?

Chris:  No.

Jesus:  Lord of the Rings?

Chris:  I didn’t write that.

Jesus:  But it was pretty good.

Chris:  No, I’m talking about Eclipse Star.

Jesus:  Oh yeah, I think I might have heard about that from you once or twice…

Chris:  …

Jesus:  …a day.  Hah!  Snap, you got zinged.

Chris:  So have you read it yet?

Jesus:  I don’t know, I’ve been pretty busy lately…

Chris:  You’re in it.

Jesus:  Oh hey, yeah I’ll read it.  (Quickly reads chapters 1-12).  Hey wait a minute, I’m not in this at all.

Chris:  Well not yet at least.

Jesus:  You tricked me into thinking that I was in a part of the story just to get me to read it, didn’t you?

Chris:  Worked for Jack, didn’t it?

Jesus:  Oohoohoo, he’s gonna be pissed you said that.

Chris:  Seriously, you play a huge part in the story later on; I’ve got a lot to write still so give it time.  Same with Jack, same with every other character, except you get primetime space when it gets good.

Jesus:  When?

Chris:  End of part…8 I believe.  Yeah, that’s your best part, although part 2 and 3 are pretty good for you, plus you’re in the prequel story.

Jesus:  I get crucified don’t I?

Chris:  Oh good, so you’re familiar with the source material?

Jesus:  Smartass…

Chris:  So from what you’ve read, what do you think?

Jesus:  Interesting choice for a main character’s name.

Chris:  I’ve explained the meaning behind that; the name means “Christ Bearer.”

Jesus:  And yet I am nowhere to be seen in the story.

Chris:  You show up in the next few chapters.

Jesus:  Do I really?

Chris:  (Counts on his fingers).  Um…by chapter…20…at least.

Jesus:  Okay, so you named the main character after yourself.

Chris:  Yes.

Jesus:  And all the other characters off of people you know?

Chris:  Yes.

Jesus:  Who the heck is Leena?

Chris:  Doesn’t exist.

Jesus:  You’re not that creative, you already had to invent Syrus, who’d you base Leena on?

Chris:  Slightly skewed version of Emilee.

Jesus:  Aha, Emileena, I get it.  Okay, so if Leena is based off of Emilee, where’d you get Lindsey?

Chris:  She, however, really does not exist.  Sam just gave me the name; otherwise I’d still just be calling her The Love Interest.

Jesus:  Says here that she’s blonde…

Chris:  And Leena’s a brunette, what’s your point?

Jesus:  Hmm…well I don’t really care, I’m just asking because other people have already asked me.

Chris:  So anyways, what do you think of the story?

Jesus:  It does seem an awful lot like Dragonball Z.

Chris:  Is that a bad thing?

Jesus:  Well take a look at when you started creating the story.

Chris:  About seventh grade or so…your point?

Jesus:  You were obsessed with DBZ at that time; it’s easy to see why you wrote the story this way at least.

Chris:  It’s too much like DBZ, isn’t it?

Jesus:  I’m not the one that you should be asking; I don’t watch a whole lot of anything so I don’t know what else is out there to compare with.

Chris:  You do think it’s too much like DBZ, don’t you?!

Jesus:  Well of course it is, I wonder why.  (Points to Chris’ default picture of him pretending to fire a Kamehameha).

Chris:  You make an interesting point.  However, the action style is just temporary since I’m only going to be slightly in control of the final action, I’ll leave that up to the artist.

Jesus:  You’re gonna make ’em do it like DBZ, aren’t you?

Chris:  Well hellz yeah, because it’s awesome, haha!

Jesus:  Amazing that you’re still single, isn’t it?

Chris:  Anyway, back to the story…

Jesus:  I like it, but then again that’s what I tell everyone when they ask for my opinion, I’m just too non-confrontational to give decent reviews.

Chris:  What if Hitler asked you for your opinion about his book?

Jesus:  He did ask me actually.  He told me that I was a big part of his story as well.  All I could do was shake my head and walk away.

Chris:  How’d he take it?

Jesus:  Honestly, did you not pay attention in history class at all?

Chris:  Oh, right.

Jesus:  Just keep doing what you feel is right and don’t let anyone tell you differently.  That’s the best advice I can give you.  This story is the only thing that makes you all giddy thinking about it, other than girls you like, and there are so, so few of those anymore, so stick with it my friend and don’t lose hope.

Chris:  Which, the story or the girls?

Jesus:  You know, why not just have hope for both?  Couldn’t hurt, could it?

Chris:  I don’t know…

Jesus:  Have confidence once in a while; it comes in handy with one heck of a lot of things, including your two passions in life.  I had confidence and look where it got me.  Son of God, loved by millions, I can fly, can it get any better than this, I mean really?

Chris:  I think it’d be cool to have a motorcycle personally.

Jesus:  Well yeah, it’d be sweet, but auto insurance is ridiculous nowadays, stick with your jalopy.  And with that, I must be going.  Jesus, away!  (Flies away).

Chris:  Right.  Time to write chapter 13.

Trig:  (Smiling, sitting behind Chris).

Chris:  No dammit, Lindsey is not based off of you!

Trig:  So says you now!


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