Jesus Conversations Enter College

May 20, 2009 at 9:09 am (My Buddy Jesus) ()

*Author’s note:  A few months went by with no new Jesus Conversations since I was reluctant to ever finish the previous plotline, but eventually I felt the need to write with Jesus as a foil once more.  Thus, the college years began.  At this point I was a freshman and having a tough time adjusting to my new life, but things soon became at least interesting enough to write about.  Enjoy the first from the college years.


Today was a day of disappointments.  “But Chris, we already know that you think your life sucks, stop bitching.”

Chris:  Hey!  Who said that?!

Jesus:  Twas I!  Jesus!

Chris:  Bwah?!  So it is you!

Jesus:  Yes, and I know all and see all!

Chris:  Good, then you know why I’m annoyed at the moment?

Jesus:  Of course.

Chris:  You know that I don’t hate every day, but today just got to me.

Jesus:  Yes yes, we’ve gathered that much already.

Chris:  My first question Jesus; why did the audio suck so badly for Duck U?

Jesus:  What the heck is Duck U?

Chris:  Dang it, you said you knew all!

Jesus:  Shh, stop all your yelling, you live in a dorm room now.

Trig:  …Herro.

Jesus:  …

Chris:  …

Trig:  …

Chris:  Jesus, this is Trig, my roommate, who is reading over my shoulder.

Jesus:  Um…hi?

Chris:  Anyways, Duck U is the JagTV equivalent here, and it is pretty darn bad compared to JagTV.

Jesus:  And you thought JagTV couldn’t be worse, didn’t you?

Chris:  *sigh*  Yes.

Jesus:  Hah!  Humbled you, didn’t I?

Chris:  Yes, quite, anyway, I look forward to seeing the new episode each week.

Jesus:  Because you love seeing yourself on television.

Chris:  Exactly, and so every Wednesday night at 10 pm on channel 23, (don’t miss it folks), I’m all excited about what everyone else’s segments will be like and how mine turned out.

Jesus:  You mean you love to see everyone else fail and yourself succeed due to the help of a crazy black man?

Chris:  Well yeah, and today’s episode was supposed to be mainly me leading the segment and I really wanted to know if I could pull it off but of course, there was no audio for the entire show.

Jesus:  Oh there was audio alright.  It just didn’t stick around for longer than a few seconds of “clicks” and garbled speech and was completely non-existent during your segment.

Chris:  So you did watch it!

Jesus:  Meh, in between American Idol commercial breaks.

Trig:  You and me BOTH!

Jesus:  WOO!  *They highfive*

Chris:  …Yeah…so…do you know why the audio was so bad?

Jesus:  No idea.

Chris:  What?  Why?

Jesus:  Dude, Chris, I was a carpenter, a fisherman and a healer, not a technician.  Go ask Buddha or something.

Chris:  Darn, guess I’ll just have to catch it tomorrow night at 9 pm on channel 14, (that’s Thursdays at 9 on channel 14).

Jesus:  So what’s your other problem regarding MySpace?

Chris:  AHA!  This one is a HUGE one alright.

Jesus:  Tell me about it my child so that I may calm your restless mind and belittle you around the water cooler in Heaven.

Chris:  So I get a message from some random person tonight that says that they have a close friend that says that I remind them of someone that they knew from their childhood.  They said after finding my profile this person thought I reminded them of their first crush but they were too shy to talk to me first, so their friend gave me a link that just says “add as friend” and insists that I talk with them because I’m all they think about now.

Jesus:  Must be fake.

Chris:  I was worried about that too.  The person who sent me the message has a blank profile.

Jesus:  And also they say that they’re from Montana, so even if it’s true, the person’s friend would live in Montana.  How could they have known you?

Chris:  They could have moved at a young age!

Jesus:  So what’s the problem?

Chris:  I’m not sure if it really is real or not and it’s too suspicious to just add the friend.  It could do one of four things.  Either it’s true and I play the game through till the end, or the other three options ending in a virus.  The three virus types being either exclusive to MySpace, destroying my profile and such and seriously screwing with my head, or it could damage my computer and I would hardly care, or worst of all it could send a malicious virus throughout the ethernet line and destroy everyone else’s internets and computers and whatnot.

Jesus:  Hmm…quite a pickle.

Chris:  Indeed.  This person may not know it but they’ve stumbled upon one of my greatest weaknesses.

Jesus:  Yes…the fact that in all cases, whether it pertains to you or not, you simply must know for the sake of knowing.

Chris:  Exactly!  I know that I can’t safely add this person and see if it’s real but it’s killing me to just sit there and do nothing and just speculate.

Jesus:  Yeah, this is gonna screw you up pretty good, however I can safely say that this person is not real.

Chris:  How do you know?

Jesus:  Well for starters, they are obsessed with you of all people.  Honestly now, who would really be obsessed with you Chris?

Trig:  Monkeys!

Jesus:  Ahaha!  He zinged you!  Pound it!  *they pound fists*

Chris:  I hate you guys.

Jesus:  Oh, but we love you!

Chris:  Aw, you know I can’t stay mad at that face.

Jesus:  Of course, because I know all and see all.  And away I go!  *flies away*

Trig:  Haha, monkey boy!

Chris:  Don’t make me bring out the tracheotomy-baby.

Trig:  Gah!  No!  Not again!  *Runs out of the room*

Chris:  One problem solved…but who is this mystery person?!?!  GAH!


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