Oh Jesus, Where Art Thou?

May 12, 2009 at 8:06 am (My Buddy Jesus) ()

Oh Jesus, Where Art Thou?

 

The Search Begins…

 

Narrator:  Well, when we last left off, Chris discovered that Jesus had been kidnapped by a mysterious man, (or woman), named Mr. X.  Turning first to his mother, he has since decided that he needs a better sidekick to assist him on this investigation.  After making a few calls, Chris has his detective partner…

 

Chris:  …And basically that’s the whole story.  You think you can help me find him?

 

Emilee:  I’ll do what I can.  I’m still unclear as to why you asked me to help you.

 

Chris:  Well, I know that you’ve got a pretty keen sense when it comes to things regarding Jesus and the Holy Spirit.  Also, Kyle was out of town.

 

Emilee:  Right…  So let’s go over what happened again.

 

Chris:  Okay.  (Pacing back and forth).  At approximately 4 pm on Saturday afternoon, I came home from mowing lawns only to discover that Jesus had in fact been kidnapped.  The suspect left only a note claiming that he or she had kidnapped Jesus and expected 10 million dollars in random from a one Mr. Chris Pranger.

 

Emilee:  Why are you talking like you’re actually a detective?

 

Chris:  *cough*  It makes me feel smarter, that’s not the point, stop wasting time.

 

Emilee:  Okay, so who in their right mind would expect you to have access to 10 million dollars?

 

Chris:  That is precisely it; no one in their right mind would assume such a thing, therefore our suspect is not in their right mind and is in fact in their wrong mind, or known as “crazy” in laymen’s terms.

 

Emilee:  And whom do you know that you consider crazy?

 

Chris:  Well…

 

Emilee:  And if you say me, I’m leaving now.

 

Chris:  Hah, noooo.  I was gonna say Clinton, but them again Clinton isn’t really into the whole kidnapping thing, I mean anymore, so I’m out of suspects.

 

Emilee:  Seriously, you can’t think of anyone else?

 

Chris:  Honestly, no, no I can’t.

 

Emilee:  *sigh*  Great, so what next?

 

Chris:  Well, the kidnapper has identified him or herself as Mr. X.

 

Emilee:  Then that means it’s a guy, he signed it Mr. X, not Mrs. X.

 

Chris:  Elementary my dear Emilee, that’s just what he or she wants you to think.

 

Emilee:  “Elementary my dear Emilee?”  How long have you been waiting to use that line?

 

Chris:  For about an hour, that’s not the point.  Obviously whoever decided to identify themselves as Mr. X is quite uncreative since the name Mr. X is so very, very cliché.

 

Emilee:  So, they’re crazy and uncreative?

 

Chris:  Yes, and as I’ve said, Clinton just doesn’t fit the bill as a suspect, so I’m out of ideas.

 

Emilee:  And they didn’t leave any other clues?

 

Chris:  Nope, but Jesus dropped his “What Would I Do?” necklace.  (Holds up the necklace to Emilee).  C’mon girl, get the scent, tell us where Jesus went.

 

Emilee:  …That is not funny and you now it.

 

Chris:  Hey, at least I didn’t say anything about you being excited about graduation in this blog.

 

Emilee:  You just did there.

 

Chris:  I…ah…damn…

 

Emilee:  I’ll let it slide for now; we’ve got a savior to save.

 

Chris:  Yes we do!  Um, but first, what say we grab some sandwiches?

 

Emilee:  Arg, Christopher Pranger, how can you even consider eating at a time like this?

 

Chris:  Um…because I’m hungry?

 

Emilee:  That’s a terrible excuse.

 

Chris:  I never said it would be a good one.

 

Emilee:  I’ll be waiting in the car…  (Walks out to the car to while Chris goes to get a sandwich).

 

Chris(Walks into the kitchen).  Hmm…this is turning out to be more difficult than I thought…  (Opens his fridge).  I mean, who would guess that writing dialogue for a female could be so tough?!  (Emilee honks the car horn a few times).  Heh, now there’s some female dialogue I can understand.  (Rim shot).  Alrighty, I’ve got my sandwich and my beverage, I’m set to find my buddy Jesus!  (Phone rings).  Hm, wonder who that could be?  (Picks up phone).  Yello?

 

Mr. X:  Hello Christopher, do you know who this is?

 

Chris:  Nooooo, but if I did I doubt I’d have to go looking for you.

 

Mr. X:  Yes but….okay you’ve got me there.

 

Chris:  Do you have anything important worth telling me ‘cause I’ve got a really good sandwich with my name on it.

 

Mr. X:  My informants tell me that you have enlisted the help of the “Opinionated Believer,” is this true?

 

Chris(Looks out his window at his car).  Yeah, you could say that I guess…

 

Mr. X:  This does not please me.  I specifically stated not to inform anyone.

 

Chris:  Actually you said not to inform the authorities, you didn’t say that I couldn’t inform anyone else.

 

Mr. X:  Oh…I didn’t?

 

Chris:  Nope.

 

Mr. X:  Ah, well I meant to write on that note that you can’t inform anyone, especially the authorities.

 

Chris:  Hey, you made the typo, not me.

 

Mr. X:  True, but I’m also the one who’s holding your friend hostage, so I don’t think you have much say in the matter.  Ditch the female, get me my money and be quick about it.

 

Chris:  You know, you never said exactly where I need to deliver this money to.

 

Mr. X:  Ah…well I’ll get in contact with you again soon, the OC is on right now and I haven’t seen this episode.  I’ll be watching you…after the OC of course…  *click*

 

Chris:  Hmm…well if there are episodes of the OC that he hasn’t seen, Clinton is definitely eliminated as a suspect.  But who does that leave…?

 

Mr. X:  Um, hello…hello?

 

Chris:  Yeah, what do you want?

 

Mr. X:  Get off the phone; we want to make another call.

 

Chris:  This is my phone buddy; I don’t have to hang up.

 

Mr. X:  Ah c’mooon, we’re hungry and want to order something from Dragon Fountain.

 

Chris:  Dragon Fountain?  I haven’t been there, is it any good?

 

Mr. X:  Yeah, it’s not bad.  It’s got great General Tao chicken.  So like…can we order it now?

 

Chris:  Fine fine.  (Hangs up phone).  Okay, so no partners eh?  Well I doubt she’ll be very heartbroken, but I need some companionship or else I’ll go crazy…  (Looks over at his cat).

 

Alan:  Meow?

 

Chris:  *Big grin*  That’s right, you shall be my partner Alan, or should I say, “Syntax, the Wonder Cat!”

 

Alan:  Meow meow?

 

Chris:  Just go get in the car…

 

Alan:  Meow…  (Walks out to the car).

 

Chris:  Well, at least I know how to find Mr. X.  I believe this involves a visit to my friend General Tao…

 

To Be Continued!

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