Eclipse Star: Genesis Chapter Five

September 27, 2008 at 11:38 am (Eclipse Star: Genesis) ()

Eclipse Star:  Chapter 5

“Sunday Drivers…”


Recap:  As the group began to recover from the morning’s events, Chris was treated to an outlandish conversation, courtesy of Legion member Jack, a fairly new recruit that seems to know much more than he actually should.  After learning a great deal about Pulse ratings and other abstract terms, Chris is ready to report back to his friends to explain the details…


Chris:  (Standing around his group of friends).  So yeah, that guy is messed up in the head.


Lindsey:  (Punches Chris in the arm).  He is not!  He was probably just talking in terms that you couldn’t understand.


Chris:  I understand the term crazy and that’s about all I could hear him saying.


Austin:  (Very eager).  Well, what did he say?


Chris:  He had a lot to say about the Legion and how they’re looking for new members and how we’d all be perfect for it because of our abnormal life force ratings.


Derek:  (Thinking Chris is just plain stupid).  Okay, what the hell is a life force rating?


Kyle:  I was about to ask the same thing.


Chris:  No wait, what’d he call it…?  Pulse!  Yeah, we’ve all got a Pulse rating! 


Derek:  Oh, because that makes more sense.


Chris:  It’s kinda like a way to judge just how special someone is, or something like that.  He wasn’t too clear.


Kyle:  I bet I’m rated R for extreme violence and scenes of excessive nudity.


Leena:  I bet you’re rating F for “Shut the F up.”


Kyle:  Hey, just because my rating is stronger than yours doesn’t mean you should be jealous.  Is that about right, Chris?


Chris:  Eh, he made it sound like it wasn’t that cut ‘n dry of a rating.  Said it was based on numbers ranging from 1 to etcetera with the average person falling between a 1 and an 18.


Derek:  And what were we?


Chris:  (Thinking hard, trying to remember).  Let’s see, he said I was at around 78, Lindsey was about 73 and you were at 82 Derek.


Derek:  (Crosses his arms).  As it should be.


Chris:  Although he also said that he was at like 260 or 8 billion or some kinda crazy gibberish.  I wasn’t really listening to anything he had to say; I was too concerned to see if you guys were okay.


Derek:  Hahahahaha, you’re our bitch now.


Chris:  Derek, that makes no sense.


Derek:  Well don’t fret my dear, while you were talking to the half-crazy adolescent I made sure my team was okay.  (Nods like a badass).  And they all are.


Leena:  You know, we can speak for ourselves thank you.  (Angrily crosses her arms).  Personally I’ve seen better days, but I’ve got little more than a headache.


Austin:  Yeah, I’ve got a bit of a headache, too, but I’m not complaining since we’re all still alive.


Willy:  Hey, as odd as this may sound, my leg’s almost completely healed already.


Chris:  That also does not make any sense.


Danny:  Yeah, that’s what I had said, but one of the soldiers came over and gave him a little pill and he was able to get right up and walk around no problem.


Willy:  It was really strange.  The thing even tasted like candy.  Looked kinda like it, too.  Like from one of those little cartoon-headed dispensers?  You know?  The guy wouldn’t tell me what it was but it fixed my leg pretty damn quick.


Clinton:  The tall guy nearly knocked my head off with that stupid pole but I’m fine too.


Chris:  Headache?


Clinton:  (Like it should be blatantly obvious).  Well yeah.


Kyle:  I’ll tell you what scared the crap outta me; one of the firing squad shoots me in the chest with a damned assault rifle and this armor holds up, (Taps the chest plate).  The guy in black punches me and it dents like tin foil.  And I’m pretty sure he was holding back significantly.  (Nudges Leena in the rubs.  He starts talking all smooth).  Yeah, I coulda died.  No sweat.  (She huffs and turns away).


Derek:  I don’t know who that guy was, but if I ever see him again I’m gonna kick his ass.


Chris:  Derek you nearly got yourself killed because you acted a damned fool.


Derek:  Who talks like that?


Chris:  Talks like what?


Derek:  “You acted a damned fool.”  That’s you.  That’s what you sound like.  You know who talks like that?  Black people, and you Chris, are not black, as much as you wish you were that cool.


Clinton:  (Taps Derek on the shoulder).  Derek, some people might take offense to that.



Derek:  (Rolls his eyes).  Yes Clinton, we all know that you are black and need not be reminded of your level of coolness.


Clinton:  (Annoyed and emotionless).  I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just say something that unbelievably stupid.


Lindsey:  So, what do we plan to do now?


Chris:  How about we just go home and move on with our craptacular lives?


Derek:  Forget that, ya pussy.  This is our chance to do something really cool and you’re going to pass it up just because you’ve grown a vagina.


Chris:  Derek, what in God’s name are you talking about?!  What chance?!


Derek:  We join up with the Legion and go push people around and show how much better we are than them.  This is a golden opportunity and you’re just gonna throw it away because you’re afraid like always.


Chris:  Hell yes I’m afraid!  But that doesn’t change the fact that the Legion’s a joke!  You’ve seen the news; you’ve read the paper.  We’re likely to get invaded any day at this rate!


Derek:  Well of course they’re a joke now.  If we’re there, we can take an active role in reversing that.  Once we get in things’ll change.  Besides, the world is changing, something big is going to happen; I can feel it.


Chris:  (Reminded of something).  He said the same thing…


Derek:  He who?


Chris:  Jack, he said that something big is about to happen.


Derek:  Well then there ya go.  We have confirmation that something big is definitely about to happen.


Chris:  Because a crazy individual agrees with you?


Derek:  Of course.  Whenever a natural disaster or major catastrophe occurs, who is always the one who was right?


Danny:  The crazy guy…?


Derek:  (Points at Danny).  Exactly.


Kyle:  That does kinda make sense…in a backwards-assed sorta way.


Derek:  Well as much as I’m sure you’d like to think so Chris, you just don’t affect my choice to join Zanretha’s private army.


Chris:  The same applies for you Derek.  You’ve yet to convince me to tag along as your damned side-kick.


Austin:  Guys, we all need to just shut up for a bit and relax.  We’ve still got to deal with whatever happens next in relation to school.


Chris:  Damn, I totally forgot about that.


Leena:  So…what do you plan to do, Chris?


Chris:  What do you mean, “What do I plan to do?”


Leena:  Well…you were the one who tripped the alarm and then you destroyed museum property.


Chris:  Tripping the alarms, as you so bluntly put it, was accidental, and I didn’t destroy that gem.


Derek:  Then what the hell did you do to it?


Chris:  I…I really don’t know.


Derek:  It was here, now it is not.  That sounds an awful lot like you destroyed it regardless of intent.


Clinton:  The basic property-law would dictate that since you were the last person to be in direct contact with government-owned museum property and caused, however indirectly, the disappearance of said object, you’re still legally responsible for the event, in this case the removal of a priceless gem.


Derek:  (Thumbs towards Clinton).  What he said.


Austin:  Ease off Chris for a minute, okay?  We’re not doing any good by blaming people for an instance as freak as this.


Teacher:  (Runs into the room.  She’s very much enraged but at the same time terrified that someone could likely be dead).  My dear GOD!  Where have you all been?!


Danny:  We’ve been here, defending the museum from an attack by terrorists.


Teacher:  Oh, I’m so happy to hear that!  Well?!  Did you succeed in stopping them?!


Danny:  Not really actually.  The only thing they came to steal was lost anyway, but at least we’re all alive.  (Weak smile).


Teacher:  (Unamused).  Oh I am going to make your miserable little lives even more miserable as soon as I can, NOW GET ON THE DAMNED BUS!  (All the kids have a shocked look on their faces but instantly sprint towards the exit).


*          *            *            *            *

Chris:  (Sitting in a window seat again, blankly staring into the gray afternoon once more.  His chin is resting on his arm while Derek sits next to him, chatting on without ceasing.  Naturally, Chris isn’t listening to a word Derek is saying).  Pulse…bunch of nonsense…


Derek:  …it’ll totally increase my popularity by being a part of this whole thing, too.  I mean, it’s not just a great story; it’s a way to spread the reputation of me being even manlier than before, you know Chris?


Chris:  Uh-huh…


Derek:  So d’you think I should be really nice to people who come up and ask about the story or should I brush them off and act as if it’s causing me severe inner-turmoil?


Chris:  Uh-huh…


Derek:  I didn’t catch that last answer there.


Chris:  Turmoil, straight up…


Derek:  Yeah that’s what I thought.


Chris:  Syrus…


Derek:  So I’d-  (Stops and turns to Chris).  Syrus?


Chris:  (Looks up, confused).  Huh?


Derek:  You just said the name “Syrus.”  Why?


Chris:  I said that?


Derek:  Yes.  Why?


Chris:  I have no idea.  I didn’t even know I was talking.


Derek:  Oh, I get it, you think you’re funny.  Let’s all piss off Derek, huh?


Chris:  Calm down, geez, my head’s a little fried at the moment so cut me some slack.  (Slouches again).


Derek:  Fine, but just this once.  (Clears his throat).  So anyways…


(Derek keeps talking while Chris does little more than humor him.  Meanwhile, on a rooftop not far down the road…)


Syrus:  (Squints his eyes slightly to catch sight of the school bus as it makes its way down the highway.  He closes his eyes and shakes his head sadly, sighing).  There’s just no other way…  (Slowly raises his arm and aims his palm at the bus.  He begins charging energy in his hand and looks up at his target, a stone-cold look on his face).  Forgive me.  (Fires).


Chris:  (While still looking out the window, something catches his eye.  He sits up slowly).  What in the world is that…?


Derek:  (Jolted out of his own conversation).  What?


Chris:  (He tries to focus on the light coming steadily closer to the bus until he realizes what it is.  Naturally, upon this premonition his eyes grow wide as he jumps out of his seat).  HAAAAH!  EVERYONE HIT THE DECK!!!!  (Jumps over the seat in front of his and begins running along the tops of seats towards the driver).


Derek:  (Finally sees what Chris saw coming at them).  SHIT!  HE’S NOT KIDDING!  (Ducks under his seat as many others do the same).


Chris:  (Manages to dive at the driver and force him to jerk the steering wheel).  HARD RIGHT!  HARD RIGHT!


-The blast hits inches away from the front left tire, causing it to explode and make the bus briefly swerve out of control before turning completely sideways and flipping over in a barrel roll down the street.  Kids start screaming and holding on for dear life.  Cars around the bus frantically turn off of the road onto sidewalks and into streetlamps.  The bus finally comes to a halt upside-down.


Chris:  (Kicks open the door and falls onto the asphalt.  After getting his bearings he gets to his feet and looks towards the source of the blast, totally shaken).  This is ridiculous.


Derek:  (Derek gracefully hops down from the bus and tries to find the source as well).  Damn, it’s him, isn’t it?


Chris:  Probably.  Is everyone okay?


Derek:  It’s a real mess in there.


Chris:  (Looks around the street and sees cars piled up, fire hydrants spraying water everywhere, and general chaos).  It’s not much better out here…


Austin:  (Rolls out of the bus).  You guys alright?


Chris:  I’m just fine.  How’s everyone else?  Is anyone…?


Austin:  I’m not sure.  A few people hit their heads pretty hard but I don’t know.


Derek:  Well if we don’t do something soon it won’t matter much who cracked their skulls open, now will it?


-Off in the distance a bright light starts glowing again and the unpleasant sound of an unnatural hum makes it’s way towards the group.


Chris:  (Clenches his fists and teeth, preparing to do anything in an attempt to stop it from hitting them).  Any suggestions guys?


Austin:  Make peace with God…?


Derek:  We fight back!  (Holds out his hands and tries shooting an energy blast of his own).  Woowoowoowoowoo~


Chris:  (Turns towards Derek with a defeatist expression).  Thank you for making that the last thing I see before I die.  (Another energy blast collides with the one coming at them.  Upon contact they both explode harmlessly in the air, although the three standing in anticipation all cover their faces instinctually).  Where’d that come from?!  (Swivels around to face Derek).  And don’t you take credit for that!


Jack:  (Runs out from a nearby alleyway looking tired).  You can thank me later, gentlemen.


Chris:  You?!  How’d you know…?


Jack:  (Taps his ear again).  It’s my business to know.  I planted a micro-transmitter on you when we had our little chat earlier.  Turns out I’m not as crazy as you thought, eh?


Chris:  Depends which angle you’re standing at.


Jack:  I’ve just got to hold him off a bit longer…  (Thrusts his arms out in front of him and creates two small energy blasts in each palm, then fires them one by one into the distance towards the rooftops.  He drops down onto his hands and knees, panting fiercely).  That ought to do it for now…  (Sounds of sirens blare loudly nearby).  Good, the cavalry showed up, even if they are a bit behind me.  I doubt the attacker would risk giving his position away in clear sight of Legion soldiers.


Derek:  (Looks at Jack absolutely amazed and wide-eyed).  So it is all true!


Jack:  Of course it’s all true.  Chris, do you see now why the Legion’s going to need every last recruit they can get?


Chris:  (Looks around the street once more and then back at the upside-down bus).  I may finally see your point.


To Be Continued…



  1. avatarleo said,

    Derek: Whenever a natural disaster or major catastrophe occurs, who is always the one who was right?
    Danny: The crazy guy…?
    Derek: (Points at Danny). Exactly.
    Kyle: That does kinda make sense…in a backwards-assed sorta way.

    THAT, is so, so true. Well done.

  2. The King of Zing said,

    Cool chapter… I like how the Chris character runs to the front of the best by running on the edge tops of the seats in front of him… Pretty cool/funny at the same time. That must be one damn slow moving energy blast to take that long to get to the bus though… lol. Only thing I wonder, is why does Syrus try and kill them here? Or is the blast meant to cause them to have to fight… like does Syrus need them to be spurred into joining the Legion for some reason… Very intriguing. I like how you make it so that Jack gets exhausted by using energy blasts, I like the realism in that. I think that Chris and the others should take more time getting out of the bus though… Especially Chris… As in real life he would be straight up DEAD… Not having a seat belt and being on his feet and not bracing himself and stuff while the bus is flipping in the air and crashing to the ground… Basically people should be bloodied and broken in some way or another… I mean, they can always just take one of those pills later and be alright either way. Still all in all a good chapter that builds up the action/plot and leaves questions like “How does Chris know Syrus’s name?” and other questions to ponder on the mind of the reader.

    • eclipsestar said,

      I don’t remember Chris knowing Syrus’ name actually, but I could be wrong.

      In regards to how uninjured everyone is, I thought about it before and decided that they’d somehow be okay since they’re special. They’ve all been in close proximity to the Eclipse Star, so things have been set in motion. Also, the energy blast isn’t exactly slow so much as A: Chris realizes it’s coming before it’s been fully formed, and B: Syrus is like a mile away when he fires it.

  3. The King of Zing said,

    One quick other thing that I noticed… Shouldn’t Chris be almost frantic about worry for Lindseys well being at some point in this scene? Like maybe at the end when he finally has time to think? He needs to have that moment when he realizes that Lindsey could be hurt and has to make sure for himself that she is alright… Maybe even embarrassingly so.

    • eclipsestar said,

      One of the hardest parts of writing this story is trying to strike the balance between what’s believable character actions and what’s interesting to read. A lot of times I withhold expanded details of situations since I find it difficult to elaborate without getting bogged down too much. Here, however, I can see your point, and in future rewrites I’d definitely expand on Chris’ worry/the time it takes everyone to get out of the bus, especially since these early chapters usually run short compared to later chapters where the norm is 9-11 pages.

  4. The King of Zing said,

    Well, when Chris is looking out the window and not paying attention to Derek he says “Syrus” and Derek looks at him like he is crazy and Chris comes out of his day dreaming and does not remember saying it, so yeah, I guess you are right, technically he does not know it, I guess.

    • eclipsestar said,

      Huh, I completely forgot I added that in the current rewrite. Yes, more mysteries to Chris! 😀

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